The Blessing of My Husband

My husband and I celebrated six years of marriage this week.

It has been a beautiful and yet stretching six years. Three adorable babies. Two homes, a new business, started a blog (which very rapidly become a family ministry since my hubby is web manager and my biggest cheer leader!), my husband became worship director and deacon in our church, and so much more. I have been blessed to enjoy the trials and joys of life along side my very best friend.

I am so thankful for my husband.

This man that I am privileged to serve the Lord alongside is passionate about serving others. He loves playing with his kids and leading them in family devotions so patiently and graciously even when they are wiggly and struggle sitting still. He prays for them many a night before bed time, singing the Doxology over them as he kisses them goodnight. He takes them on walks regularly one on one to be able to invest quality time with them. He plays wrestling games, builds forts, and reads stories to them inside. He faithfully takes me on dates every other week and gives me multiple hugs, kisses, and “I love you’s” throughout every passing day. He loves opening our home in hospitality and can make a mean hamburger or steak on the barbecue. He’s supportive of all my crazy new adventures in the kitchen and around our house. He keeps my blog going and solves every problem. He is the most committed husband imaginable. I am confident in my heart that he would die before ever leaving me. And all of this amidst working 12+ hour days. But to be perfectly honest…many of these practices have only started in the last six months, since God started changing my own heart from focusing on demanding to be served to serving.

I’ll be the first to tell you he’s not perfect. He has a tendency to leave his clothes everywhere. He rarely makes it to the dinner table on time. He’s likely never vacuumed a floor or cleaned a toilet in our home since the day we were married. He is a bit infrequent on buying me flowers or sending me a mushy love note. His love for computers and technology leads to splurges on all sorts of little gadgets. These are the little things that used to drive me crazy. These were the little annoyances that would easily build a wall of bitterness in my heart. It would build up over time only to come out in a truckload of tears and desperation that got me nowhere. It all depends upon what you choose to focus on.

When my husband first quit his job earlier this year and started on this new business endeavor I fought tooth and nail against his commitment to work overtime, nights and weekends to get the business launched. I wanted “our” time together. I pressed and nagged him on the importance of balancing his priorities. I honestly was often teary eyed as he went off to his office. Ultimately, I did not support him very well. And I could sense very quickly the impact this made on him. He was more gloomy, discouraged, and depressed as a result. He pulled back rather than pressed into our relationship.

It was when God graciously opened my eyes to see the beautiful potential that a woman has to influence her husband to accomplish great things for God, and when I learned that I had the power in my hand to build him up or tear him down, that I began to see things differently. A wife can be the greatest good or the greatest destruction to her man. Her nagging and discontentment can be the ruin of any marriage. I needed to focus on changing my own heart first rather than focusing on all his shortcomings. I needed to start taking my eyes off of what he was not doing and start thanking him for all that he was doing.

When I started seeking to serve my hubby instead of demanding to be served, that God has transformed our marriage into the most glorious of unions. It was when I started getting creative every week in thinking of some way to bless him through a love note, text message, word of encouragement, or small act of service instead of just waiting for him to express it to me, that our love has blossomed and deepened in greater ways then I would have ever imagined. I wiped down his BBQ one week, or washed his car another, or simply brought in the trash cans from the curb on another day. I bought some special new sexy undergarments, or his favorite candy bar or snack. He is easy to serve. He’s not picky. Most guys aren’t. I don’t have any excuse not to show this man that he means the world to me. I’m reminded of the bible verse…”Where your treasure is…there your heart will be also.” (Matt. 6:21) It applies to marriage just as much as to money. If I invest my time and energy into this man, my heart will follow…and the love and sparks will stay alive!

When I started expressing my thankfulness for every simple thing he did to contribute, for the small things of simply taking out the trash, watching the kids for an hour or two while I did errands, or praising him for the hard work he was doing on the lawn, that he has started to take more initiative to get involved in our family in ways I never dreamed possible (as described above). He started initiating in leading family devotions, and praying over the kiddos before bedtime.

I’d watch him tending the lawn, and get frustrated that he was spending too much time out there instead of being with his family. Then the light came on…this is therapeutic for him. He finds it restful. It gives him a little more exercise and fresh air. Why not get out there with him? I am not a fan of gardening, but I could tell my husband really did desire our lawn to look nice, so I decided to get out and get dirty. I started weeding and getting my hands dirty. And you know what? I’m really enjoying it and my hubby is quite proud of my work…especially when visitors take notice. ;)

I love this man more deeply than words can express. And you know what…this week he surprised me with my favorite chai beverage concentrate and a bouquet of my favorite lilies. He has been starting to express his appreciation more faithfully for all the little things I do. I think it’s working. ;)

I’m married to a steady man, cautious, thoughtful, smart, servant-hearted. He may not become a CEO, president, or great philosopher or teacher…but he is the head of our home and he does an incredible job being there to lead and love me when I step back and encourage him in his manliness and leadership. He still has all the shortcomings I mentioned above, but I’m learning to see that picking up his clothes after him is one little way that I can serve him, one little way to be his helpmeet.

I’m praising God for my man. He loves me just the way I am. He doesn’t care that three pregnancies has taken its toll on my physical body. He actually thinks they make me more beautiful.

How can you thank the Lord for your hubby today? How can you express thankfulness to your man in a practical way this week? Make a list of 10 things you admire about your husband (or those 10 things you loved about him before you got married) and use it as a reference point every time you get frustrated. It’s never too late. Get down on your knees. Pray for grace and creativity to love your man. Sure…he’s undeserving. But so are we. You and I are desperately undeserving of the beautiful grace and forgiveness that Jesus Christ purchased on our behalf on the cross. Let’s embrace it and let God shine beautifully through our marriages as we seek to show love and affirm the man that God has given us.

I’m looking forward to many more years to come…

Photos taken by my lovely sister, Christa Taylor. If you live in the Portland metro area and you are in need of some photography services, please check her out!

About Lindsay

Lindsay Edmonds is first a lover of Jesus, wife, mother of four, homemaker, and writer. She loves inspiring women around the world toward simple, natural, and intentional living for the glory of God.

92 Responses to The Blessing of My Husband

  1. Amy in Uganda July 16, 2012 at 11:12 am #

    Thank you for this post and for the site. I have often assumed that your husband was “perfect”, so I appreciate your honesty. My husband is also an entrepreneur and we have 3 young kids, so I can definitely relate. It’s so easy for both men and women to get things out of balance. Thanks for encouraging us women to be more like Christ, and serve/uplift our husbands rather than nagging and becoming bitter.

  2. Angela June 6, 2012 at 8:40 pm #

    This might be your best post ever :)

    I have shared it with many friends and they were all blown away, thanks for sharing – it is clear that you have helped so many people all around the world.

  3. Lisa June 4, 2012 at 6:03 am #

    We just celebrated 31 years and your post was just what I needed to read as well. So as you can see marriage is always a bit or work but so rewarding. Sometimes just a change in mind set is all we need. Thank you from the bottom of my heart! I cried too :)

  4. Angel May 31, 2012 at 5:16 pm #

    Hi Lindsay!

    Great post! I have a question about your husband though…if he was not leading, working all his free time, not investing in his family, and not helping out around the house, was there any godly man from his church challenging him? It seems like he waited until you changed so that he changed but was he pursuing any change at all before that? If he’s a deacon, I’m assume he was cared for by other men, right? I’m just asking these questions because I’m afraid he’ll think you were the problem and once you changed then he could finally be a good husband. Am I wrong?

    Love,
    Angel

    • Lindsay May 31, 2012 at 8:26 pm #

      Let me just clarify that my husband was doing many of those things, just not everything I listed or the level of involvement was there but limited. He is in an accountability relationship with three other guys in the church and is certainly being challenged to be a leader and head in our home. He has desired that but always struggled to find the balance and knowing how to do it. Through my service to him and encouraging him in his roles, it has made it that much easier for him to desire and actively pursue being the leader of our home in more tangible ways. He certainly knows that I am not the problem (as we are all equally sinners), but I can certainly be a hinderance to bringing change in his heart or giving him the ability to lead if I am nagging and complaining or fighting his leadership. Does that make sense?

      He keeps telling me since I have started making it more of a habit to encourage and build him up and serve him in practical ways…that it just makes him want to be a better husband and father. He has said it many times and I see it starting to grow him in more ways than one.

  5. Becca May 31, 2012 at 2:51 pm #

    Wow. This was like looking into a mirror of all the thoughts that have gone through my head during my second year of marriage. My husband’s clothes all over the place (and really, just things in general!) has always made me bitter. But it was convicting to be reminded that God has graciously given ME so much more….so the LEAST I can do is help my husband in the little ways that he is weak. How would I feel if all he did was concentrate on a couple little things that I failed on?

    My husband is also a tech geek, so i completely understand :) He has no idea why I would spend money on books. Lol.

    Lindsay, thank you so much for writing this post. Can completely, completely, completely relate (including watching my husband change after I worked on myself first) and was both convicted and encouraged.

    :)

  6. Heather May 31, 2012 at 2:03 pm #

    Such a great post! I am on a smilar journey and appreciate your sweet honesty.

  7. Colleen Sleadd May 31, 2012 at 8:31 am #

    Love this post. Not a fan of gardening either but that is a great idea. Thanks for being honest about your heart and how God is working in your marriage. It inspires me to let Christ work. With little ones sometimes I barely feel able to “serve” him in the little extras ways like he does for me. Your practical ideas and testimony of change are so encouraging. And by the way, I am dying to see photos from your sister’s wedding. I know it’s this next month, but I am just so excited. I hope you will post some after the big day!

  8. Velvet May 31, 2012 at 6:30 am #

    Lindsay, thanks so much for this post. I need some advice though, from you or anyone else here please. I love my husband dearly, he does contribute to our household a lot, and he works a lot. I am very thankful for him and all he does! I feel so guilty though, because he is a good man, but I often feel alone and lonely. He is a very busy and focused person, and I feel like a ‘follower’. There is not much of him left at the end of the day. He is a dedicated and passionate person, but now as his wife I am not something he needs to pursue, not a goal anymore. I also wish he would take a stronger spiritual lead in our family…
    I am striving to be a godly wife. I have my bad days and complaints for sure, but for the most part I am pretty encouraging and respectful I think. I leave him notes, text him during the day, I listen to his concerns and excitement about work, and try to be involved. I don’t know what I am doing wrong…he seems almost unresponsive to these things. Do I need to do something else? I know he loves me, without a doubt. But please, I am at a loss. I have prayed about it, and yes, tried talking to him. Maybe I am not expressing myself right. Any advice from some godly ladies would be much appreciated.

    • Lindsay June 2, 2012 at 6:54 am #

      Dear Velvet,
      May I encourage you to continue to seek the Lord. He is faithful to hear our cry and prayers. Pray for the Holy Spirit to grant you wisdom into the needs of your husband and how you can effectively seek to bring good to his life. I know personally, that God has been so gracious in giving me insight into all these ideas I have used for strengthening our marriage. He has been my source and guide every step of the way. Don’t neglect to pray for your husband as well. The 31 day prayer guide is a wonderful resource that I use daily. Your husband will be different from mine and may need a different method. YOu might ask him out right, “how can I serve you?” or “what one thing could I do to bring more peace and rest into our home?” or “How can I help you this week?” or “Is there something I am doing that you feel is unsupportive?” I think if you start asking questions, you might be surprised at his responses. And when he responds with a suggestion, do it. Try to find a way to get on his team, always starting with what you can do to help him. He may not respond with anything for awhile, and you may just have to keep graciously asking, but over time, I believe he will start opening up as he sees your faithful persistence and desire to really serve him. Be sincere. Ultimately, trust the Lord, be faithful in continuing to support your husband, and wait. Never stop praying. God will lead you sister. I am praying right now for grace and peace to pour over you.

    • nora June 11, 2012 at 5:41 pm #

      I highly recommend the book 5 languages of love. It’s about doing what’s important to your spouse, or what makes them feel loved. What you’re doing probably isn’t his love language if it doesn’t seem to be helping. It has worked wonders for my husband and I!

  9. Amanda Evans May 30, 2012 at 6:47 pm #

    Thanks for this post! Women have a deep need for love and most want it to be shown in a romantic way. But most of our men just have no idea how to go about it. That’s when we can step up and show them what we mean. “Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.”

  10. Audrey May 30, 2012 at 6:31 pm #

    Thank you for this post! My husband and I will be celebrating our 6th anniversary in a few weeks, and I have felt in a rut. I know that nagging hasn’t helped him be a better husband, and it has not helped me be a better wife. Whenever people (bloggers, etc.) Give marital advice, I tend to think “That’s easy for you to say, you’re married to someone who does _____.” When you listed the good qualities of your husband, I thought “No wonder they have such a great marriage, her husband is perfect.” But when I kept reading, I was convicted. This post was exactly what I needed lately. It is the straw that is about to break the camel’s back! I have known for some time that I needed to take action for my marriage, and this post is what will finally motivate me to do it! Thank you for letting God use you in such huge ways!

  11. Brandy May 30, 2012 at 10:05 am #

    Excellent! Reminds me a little of the Love Dare. :)

  12. Laura May 30, 2012 at 3:34 am #

    Thank you! As a wife you definitely need a reminder like this everyone and a while.

  13. Lori May 29, 2012 at 6:37 pm #

    Great Post! It is a wonderful blessing to have a Godly marriage.

  14. Mrs.Baudelaire May 29, 2012 at 4:58 pm #

    It’s so rare to see a wife speak is such loving, respectful, and kind terms about her husband, thank you!!

  15. charlie May 29, 2012 at 4:49 pm #

    I love this! Thanks for taking the time to post such a lovely reminder of how I can better serve in my own marriage too!

  16. Laura May 29, 2012 at 8:57 am #

    Thank you for this encouraging post… I needed the encouragement today. :) t build up my husband, and not tear him down :)

  17. christine garner May 29, 2012 at 8:26 am #

    this is beautiful….i have a similar story! my husband left his job almost 4 years ago now. at the time i strongly encouraged this move. over the past 4 years things have been difficult, or atleast seemed that way. we moved to a new home 2 years ago and i noticed my hubby getting depressed. in the process of 2 years i begged God to heal him. last month i was doing a fast and God so vividly spoke to me that i resented my husband and then began to reveal resentment after resentment….it was horrible, because i loved him deeply. BUT, i confessed to God and then went in and confessed to my husband and asked for his forgiveness. it was a beautiful time and has made me view him and our relationship much differently!

  18. Aletta May 29, 2012 at 3:43 am #

    Thank you so much for this post! I’ve been married for 3.5 years and I really needed this reminder today.

  19. [email protected] May 29, 2012 at 2:59 am #

    Lindsay, I loved this post! This is all so true, I have seen it in action in my 16 years of marriage. But I needed the reminder so thank you. I am also married to a steady man, Sounds like your husband has some visionary in him too.

    Beautiful post and what an opportunity you have here to bless your husband by sharing this with so many!

    On a side note, has anyone every told your husband he kinda looks like Bon Jovi, lol?

    Nickole

  20. Tara May 28, 2012 at 6:20 pm #

    Your transparency is beautiful. I have experienced the same thing!

    Funny story, I wrote him a letter telling him how much I appreciate him and mailed it to his office as a surprise. He thanked me but let me know that all mail gets opened before it gets to individuals desks! I guess the office administrator knows how great he is too!

    Tara @ Simply Made Home

  21. LaShanna May 28, 2012 at 2:29 pm #

    Lovely post Lindsay!!!!!

  22. Yan May 28, 2012 at 2:26 pm #

    Well said, Lindsay. I can truly testified to what you have shared. I was once so self righteous & tend to see my husband through the lens of a critique. That changed when I learnt of the Lord’s love for everyone despite our shortfalls. With that change, I am more receptive & supportive of my husband. In turn, it gradually strengthen our relationship. Thanks for your sharing. God bless.

  23. Megan May 28, 2012 at 1:04 pm #

    Wonderful post. Thankfully I grew up in a home where my mom taught me *so* much about this type of thing and it is something that women desperately need to hear. It isn’t something you just learn once and then you’re good to go. We Christian women need to be encouraging one another in these areas. Words can’t even describe the difference it can make in a marriage. Keep letting Christ speak through you Lindsay!

  24. Emily May 28, 2012 at 10:47 am #

    thank you!

  25. Stephanie May 28, 2012 at 10:30 am #

    I’ve been reading your blog for awhile now. I did not grow up in a household with the type of excellent womanhood you are modeling for your daughters, and this space has been an incredibly valuable tool for me as I make up for time not well-spent. My husband and I are in our fourth year of marriage, and I am only now realizing the power of being a Christlike wife *without words*. I am convinced the Holy Spirit knew what He was about when He gave Peter that choice of phrasing! :) I am starting Stormie Omaritan’s The Power of a Praying Wife this week. Your post is a timely nudge in the right direction.

    Aaron, Karis, Titus, and Eden are richly blessed to have you as the heart of their home, and your readers are blessed by you and your family’s generosity and openness. Thank you!

  26. Jeanne P. May 28, 2012 at 5:50 am #

    Thanks so much for this inspiring post!

  27. Candace May 28, 2012 at 5:39 am #

    Thank you for this beautifully-phrased and eloquently-written expression of godly womanhood. This is such an encouragement to me this morning, as your blogs so often are. Thank you for this ministry of love!

  28. Krista May 27, 2012 at 10:49 pm #

    My husband and I have been married almost 4 years and have a 9 month old baby girl. Tonight we went to bed after a little spat and I really wanted to read something encouraging, because I hate this about our marriage, so immediately your blog popped in to my head and this was your last post. As some of your other readers mentioned, I started off reading your list and had a twinge of jealousy as I heard about the wonderful things your husband does and how he treats you, then as I continued reading I was so convicted! I desire so badly for my husband to take a spiritual leadership role in our family by leading devotions and praying with our kids, to treat me well, have patience, appreciate me etc. but I think all that needs to start with me – my complaining hasn’t worked so far, and I don’t think that will change anytime soon. Thank you for your post. So much.

  29. Shannon May 27, 2012 at 6:04 pm #

    This post brought tears to my eyes and it felt like you were writing about my marriage. We’ll be celebrating 6 yrs of marriage & 10 yrs together, this July. We’ve had many rough years because I’ve been stuck in the criticizing/demanding role. This post gave me the shift in perspective I needed by reminding me to be thankful for him. So thankful for your post being put in front of me 3 times =o)

  30. Ann May 27, 2012 at 5:50 pm #

    Celebrated 16 yrs of marriage this week, and unfortunately many of them with me in the critical/demanding-to-be-served mindset. We’ve gone through some tough things in our marriage though, and I am so thankful for the healing God’s brought to us. We’re about to enter a new phase–my husband is returning to school to pursue a different career. Honestly I’ve been kind of dreading it, anticipating the time crunch we’ll be under and the responsibilities of five kids falling more on me. Thanks for this post, as I can enter this phase instead with a purposeful attitude of being his helpmeet.

  31. Tiffany May 27, 2012 at 2:01 pm #

    Totally made me cry. Really spoke to my heart. Thank you.

  32. Alex G May 27, 2012 at 12:29 pm #

    Thank you for these extremely powerful and truthful words. God used this post to meet me in a time of need and softened my heart towards my husband to begin reconciliation. It always brings so much hope to hear how God has been growing and strengthening marriages and homes!

  33. Kelly May 27, 2012 at 10:28 am #

    Lindsay, I’ve been a fan of your blog for a couple years now. What a great post! I can totally identify with being critical of the little things my husband does sometimes and not focusing on the MANY things he does so well. Thank you for the encouragement you give women through your blog to love Christ, our husbands and our children!

  34. Rachel May 27, 2012 at 10:11 am #

    This really resonates with me. I’ve only been married two years, so I obviously still have a long way to go, but I spent the entire first year operating from the husband-critical perspective. Toward the beginning of year two I had a similar experience of being convicted to support my husband in his goals and affirm him in whatever leadership roles he was willing to take…otherwise I began to see that our marriage would be a very long and difficult road of unequal partnership — with me always calling the shots, doing the nagging, and basically stifling him instead of encouraging him to grow. Thanks for your transparency and wise words!

  35. karen May 27, 2012 at 10:08 am #

    amazing tribute to your husband. What an encouragement to women everywhere about how they should treat their husbands and be servants in a true and meaningful manner. Wow. I am so blessed by this. :)

  36. Megan May 27, 2012 at 4:50 am #

    Thank you for setting the example of honoring your husband well. It brought tears to my eyes and convicted me greatly!