Passionate Homemaking

I have struggled with comparing myself to others since my childhood when I would compare the giftings my sister had in relation to my own. She was more gifted creatively, musically (having to put half as much into her practice as I), and physically. I knew nothing about how to take care of my hair, makeup, and dress attractively. Practically everything I know was gleaned from her. She could speak well and won numerous awards where I miserably failed in speech/drama class.

And you know where all these comparing and envious thoughts got me? The truth is, they got me no where. It damaged relationship, stirred up discontentment, and robbed me of fruitfulness in my own life and relationship with the Lord.

In all reality, I doubted God’s goodness. This was at the core of my sin. I thought that if I was in the spotlight, then I would be happy. I imagined that if I had her giftings, I would be happy. I doubted His love for me. In my heart of hearts, I thought that God didn’t care about me unless I looked and acted in that manner. I wanted to be acknowledged. How far from the gospel I had slipped! I needed to stop those envious thoughts with the gospel truth – I am a recipient of undeserved mercy. The cross is the undeniable evidence that God loves me. He was willing to separate himself from heaven’s glory, come to earth, and suffer and die in my place. He chose to graciously love the unlovely. Through His resurrection, His love for me is secured. I am a guaranteed recipient of His grace and mercy and eternal life. His righteousness has become mine. I needed to stop and mediate upon these simple truths:

“For the Lord is good.” Ps. 100:5

“And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose.” Rom. 8:28

“No good thing does he withhold from those who walk uprightly.” Ps. 84:11

The foolishness of envy is brought to light through these passages:

2 Cor. 10:12, “Not that we dare to classify or compare ourselves with some of those who are commending themselves. But when they measure themselves by one another and compare themselves with one another, they are without understanding.”

Do you see that? To compare myself with another is a sign that I am ignorant. I am without understanding. I have forgotten God’s selfless love for me.

Upon learning that he would be martyred, Peter responds to Jesus: “Peter turned and saw the disciple whom Jesus loved [John] following them…When Peter saw him, he said to Jesus, “Lord, what about this man?” Jesus said to him, “If it is my will that he remain until I come, what is that to you? You follow me!” (John 21:20-22)

Jesus brings it home. When Peter wants to know what will happen to John, Jesus simply says, “what is that to you?” It was an eye-opening jolt to reality. Jesus was challenging Peter to not even go there. Don’t even let the thought go through you mind. If the Lord wills that another receives the blessings and giftings I desire and don’t receive, or is not the recipient of the struggles and sufferings that I am called to endure, what is that to me? God has a unique plan and purpose for me, and it is not for me to know the outcome of another’s story. He is creating a beautiful tapestry of my life. Instead, my eyes should be fixed on my Savior. Jesus offers the simple command, “You follow me!”

As Carolyn Mahaney shares in response to this passage, “He [Peter] did not need to hear or do anything else. These three little words were sufficient to enable him to face the agonizing death assigned to him by God: You follow me! Our Lord gives us the same command. For every unwanted experience or withheld blessing, the Lord would say to us: You follow me! And just as these words were enough for Peter, so they are enough for us.They are all we need to hear and obey in order to glorify God in every difficult experience God assigns us. You follow me!”

God’s love for you is real. It is eternal. Your purpose is to follow Him. Not to look around horizontally to the people around you, but to fix your eyes vertically on the cross and our beautiful Savior.

God’s grace can free us from the destructive comparison thoughts if we stop, pray, remember the gospel, confess our sinful doubting of God’s goodness, and embrace His love for us.

Another powerful response to envious thoughts is to stop and pray the Lord’s blessing upon that person. I remember when recently struggling with envious thoughts of another’s successful ministry, a true friend stopped me and said: “Just pray for them. Pray that God would bless their work.” That is certainly not an easy task, nor did it prove to change my feelings overnight. But in the end, God mercifully changed my heart. God can change us into loving people as we confess our sins and seek freedom in the cross of Christ.

And finally, start journaling your thankfulness. Have you thought about how He has immensely blessed you lately? The simple fact that He loved and died for you is an immeasurable gift. Start making your own thankfulness journal, recording his gifts to you every day. And see your life transformed!

God created an apple and an orange both within the fruit category but that is the only thing that is the same between them. In all other ways, the taste, texture, color, and smell are completely unique. Different but equally delicious. In similar manner, you are a unique and beautiful person, fashioned with your own set of gifts. Every part of the body of Christ is valuable and needed for the health of each other (1 Cor. 12:12-26). Don’t get caught up in comparing yourself to the head, hand, or neck of the body. Focus rather on serving the Lord together – we all have something unique to contribute that another cannot offer. Let’s follow Him together!

Recommended Reading:

For further rich thoughts on the topic of envy, I heartily encourage you to read Girl Talk’s thorough series on this topic, which can be found here or in a PDF version here.
Pleasing People: How Not to be an “approval junkie” by Louie Giglio
When People are Big and God is Small: Overcoming Peer Pressure, Codependency, and the Fear of Man by Ed Welch

Photo Credit

Written by monthly contributor, Natalie Didlake.

As each one has received a special gift, employ it in serving one another as good stewards of the manifold grace of God. (I Peter 4:10 NASB)

As each has received a gift, use it to serve one another, as good stewards of God’s varied grace: whoever speaks, as one who speaks oracles of God; whoever serves, as one who serves by the strength that God supplies–in order that in everything God may be glorified through Jesus Christ. To him belong glory and dominion forever and ever. (I Peter 4:10 ESV)

Funky, Chunky Shoes

I am almost 30 years old. I finally know what kind of shoes I like.

Flat shoes.

Wide shoes.

Casual, comfy shoes.

No-Heel shoes.

Funky, chunky, spunky shoes.

I don’t do boots. I don’t do heels. I don’t do tennis shoes (every day). I don’t do trendy shoes. I don’t do dressy shoes. For years I’ve been trying them all, and none of them were “me.” Nothing wrong with heels or boots. They’re just for not me.

I’m ready to be me. In my kind of shoes.

Within the last year, I’ve started recognizing a pattern in the shoes that I love to wear. Now, I know exactly what to look for…and exactly what to eliminate. I got rid of all the reject shoes in the back of my closet, given to me by other people, or purchased on a whim. I quit thinking someday I might start loving and wearing them, and said “bye-bye” to them forever. I’m ready to say breezily, “Thanks! But they’re just not my style.”

“Each One Has Received A Special Gift”

I think spiritual gifts are a lot like knowing your shoe style.

I have a friend who is gifted in organization, administration, and the ability to teach skills of practical knowledge, and strives to maximize her life to serve well.

She knows what kind of “shoes” she likes to wear!

I, on the other hand. Not so good at those things. I work sooo hard to be a good homemaker. And rightfully so! It’s part of my calling as a wife and mother. But I will never be the organizational and practical gal as my friend is. So, I do the best I can.

And I’m ok with that. Because those spiritual gifts are not my “style.”

Because there are other things that make my heart sing.

When I explain the Trinity to my toddlers, my soul feels on fire.

When I craft a blog post, cutting and pasting scriptures from the internet tabs I have open to 6 different passages in my online Bible, I feel especially useful and close to God.

When I talk theology with my husband and we talk hours on a tough topic, I revel in the meeting of our minds, in what a marvelous match we are!

When my girlfriends call me for help understanding some deep issue, I know I’m specially crafted by God to meet unique needs in the people I love.

I love to teach. I love to encourage. I love to exhort. I love to write. I love to dig with my mind and my words and my heart.

I love wearing my own “shoes,” if you know what I mean.

Some Principles for Practice

Don’t ask other people to wear your shoes.
I need to safeguard against expecting others to love the things I love to do. Not everyone will have such a thrill at searching out a matter as I do.

However…

Wear your own shoes, loud and proud!
I can usually flesh things out pretty well on my own. So why not make the effort to do it myself, share it, and view it as a gift God is giving them, through me?

Appreciate and enjoy boots and heels, too.

First and hardest: Admit your weaker areas.

Second, and more fun: Gratefully receive what others have to offer, and allow it to supplement your own strengths and gifts.

I am always checking various organizational and homemaking blogs, and with friends for great recipes, homemaking ideas, homeschooling units and lessons, and such. I basically steal other people’s homemaking skills! Just because I may not be particularly gifted in organization and homemaking, doesn’t mean I shouldn’t strive to glean from others and grow in this area as well.

Result: You will develop into a pretty well-rounded beautiful person! God designed us all differently so that we ought to mooch off each other, be humbled by our limitations, enjoy giving of our strengths, and all grow closer in the process! Let us all prayerfully evaluate where God has uniquely gifted us and strive to utilize those gifts for His glory!

A Final Thought: This post wasn’t designed to be theologically exhaustive. In fact, no matter what you believe about gifts, we can all agree that each person is built somewhat differently. I’m simply reflecting on how we can maximize our own strengths and help others do the same, so that we all give and take in thriving, loving relationships. Please refrain from creating theological debates and discussions. Above all, keep comments kind and encouraging.

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On another note, in light of the topic last month that Natalie wrote on Intimacy in Marriage, Natalie has written a follow-up post on her blog addressing the question raised concerning those women who have a higher sex drive than your husband and how to graciously deal with that. She addresses the topic here.

Before time began, God carefully designed and fashioned women. “So God created man in his own image, in the image of God he created him; male and female he created them” (Genesis 1:27). Did you know that our sweet Savior cherishes you as a woman? Right from the beginning of time, God declares that men and women together mirror the image of God. One without the other is incomplete. Men alone are not up to the task, but in partnership with women, we can display God’s glory and character before a watching world.

As Gary Thomas so beautifully shares, “While the apostle Paul does ascribe a certain significance to the man’s being created first, if you look at the line of creation, females are the culmination! Everything keeps getting more sophisticated, more intricate, until finally a woman appears – and only then does God rest.”

Men and women together were recipients of God’s blessing and commissioned to “be fruitful and multiply; fill the earth and subdue it. (Genesis 1:28)” We are not sideline cheerleaders but rather co-regents. We share the command. Of course we fulfill it in different manners, but we are fully responsible to be active in participating in God’s stewarding commission.

While Eve led the way in the temptation in the fall, she also has an active role in our redemption. It was through the seed of the women that the serpent would receive his certain and annihilating destruction. “As it was through the woman that the craft of the devil brought sin and death into the world, so it is also through the woman that the grace of God will give to the fallen human race the conqueror of sin, of death, and of the devil.”

Have you considered the numerous occasions where he chose to give women a special place during his life on this earth and lineage? Women have a special place in his heart. In the very genealogy of Christ (Matthew 1), we see the inclusion of Rahab, Ruth, Mary, and Bathsheba. He chose women of all different walks and backgrounds, the most unlikely of candidates, and yet, he graciously chose the meek and humble that His glory might be displayed to a greater extent. And He chose to be born of a woman. The beautiful miracle of the incarnation through a woman. He specifically honors one woman who pours expensive perfume on his feet (Mark 14:3-9), and declares that she knew and understood his purpose and who be remembered wherever the gospel was preached. Throughout his life on this earth, women walked by his side among his disciples.

And in the hour of his death, we see the presence of women mentioned at the foot of the cross (Mark 15:40-41). It could have been easily overlooked, but Mark stops and highlights their presence, emphasizing the care and devotion Jesus had for them. Jesus made sure his mother was cared for.

And most amazing, at His resurrection, we see Jesus presenting himself in His new body, risen from the dead, to the witness of women. “According to ancient Pharisaic law, a woman’s testimony was inadmissible in a tribunal as too untrustworthy. Only men could give witness. So when Jesus rose from the dead – the most important event that has ever occurred or ever will occur – who was present to give witness and testimony? Women!”(Gary Thomas)

You are a unique creature fashioned beautifully in His image. You uniquely display His glory in a way that our men cannot. You might not have the strength of a man that images God’s power and strength, no matter how you exercise those muscles. You are just not designed to have that physical physique and stamina to defend, protect, and provide. But you have the gentle, nurturing, sweetness of woman that displays His gracious loving-kindness, tenderness, and beauty. Woman is beautifully gifted to nurture, love, comfort, organize and support in ways that men just cannot fathom. Her words have power and influence. She can build her home or tear it down with her own hands.

1 Corinthians 7, “Don’t be wishing you were someplace else or with someone else. Where you are right now is God’s place for you. Live and obey and love and believe right there. God, not your marital status, defines your life.” (The Message)

You matter and are valued, dear sister, not because men like you, or you have the perfect body, or are gifted in the ways you desire, but because you are made in the image of God, are loved by God, and are regularly empowered by God to make a difference in this world.

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