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Communing Daily with the Lord as a Mother

By on March 18, 2011 in faith & womanhood

“I saw more clearly than ever, that the first great and primary business to which I ought to attend every day was, to have my soul happy in the Lord. The first thing to be concerned about was not, how much I might serve the Lord, how I might glorify the Lord; but how I might get my soul into a happy state, and how my inner man may be nourished . . . I saw that the most important thing I had to do was to give myself to the reading of the Word of God and to meditation on it.”  –George Mueller, Delighted in God

As a wife and mother, I am acutely aware of my desperate need for fellowship with my Lord in preparation for my day. How else will I find strength to face the next battle, fight, or attitude from my children that needs to be guided towards repentance? How else will I be able to train their precious hearts to love Jesus? Can I expect them to desire to follow Him if I don’t demonstrate my utter need and commitment to Him by seeking His fellowship? How else will I be able to withstand the cultural temptations to consume my time on the internet, television, beautifying myself, or other carefree hobby? And most importantly, is there anything else that is of true lasting value that can make my soul happy and satisfied? I am a sinner in desperate need of a Savior. And He is a loving Savior that loves me, cherishes me, adopted me, and paid for my sins, so that I can enjoy eternal, free, and open access to His presence. I simply have to come and sit at His feet.

Is it possible to spend time with the Lord when I am rising multiple times a night to nurse or care for a little one? Dear sisters, it is not only possible, but it is essential. We serve a mighty and gracious God who called the world into motion, and He can certainly guide you to discovering the right time, place, and plan for your personal communion with Him. It will be something we have to fight for, but the reward is well worth it. We will find strength to persevere through multiple battles of childhood illnesses that seem never to cease, to graciously address the heart issues and temptations of our children even when no end seems in sight, to be the godly help meet our husband needs even though he may not deserve it, and to demonstrate to a watching world that we are in love with a beautiful Savior that is worthy of ours and their adoration.

In order to cultivate this habit, we must plan. We must choose a time, place, and reading method. As John Piper shares: “Most Christians neglect their Bibles not out of conscious disloyalty to Jesus, but because of failure to plan a time and place and method to read it.”

Time

“I earnestly recommend that it be in the early morning, unless there are some extenuating circumstances. Entering the day without a serious meeting with God, over his Word and in prayer, is like entering the battle without tending to your weapons. It’s like taking a trip without filling the tires with air or the tank with gas. The human heart does not replenish itself with sleep. The body does, but not the heart. The spiritual air leaks from our tires, and the gas is consumed in the day. We replenish our hearts not with sleep, but with the Word of God and prayer.” – John Piper, When I Don’t Desire God

Mornings may be difficult for you, and there is grace to adjust to your family’s needs, but that quote is definitely compelling, and I have personally experienced these benefits. Even if you start waking up 15 minutes earlier each day, you will have 15 minutes to dine at the Master’s feet. Other means of getting the Word into your heart throughout the day might be: Download an audio version of the Bible to listen to throughout your day. Place a Bible in key areas throughout your home where you spend the majority of your time – the kitchen sink, the bathroom, the changing table. While at these locations, glance down and mediate on a verse. Get creative! During one season, I had my Bible on my ipod and would read during my early morning nursing period.

Your children may be at an age where you can start helping them develop their own quiet time. Guide them in learning how to pray, look at Bible story books (Jesus Storybook Bible, Big Picture Story Bible), listen to a CD of Christian music, watch a Bible story DVD, or color Bible story pictures. I remember using Keys for Kids when I first launched into my own quiet times. They are free and can be ordered in paperback copies or downloaded on the web. While they do that, you can have your own quiet time.

Place

“Pick a place of seclusion…. It needs to be secluded so that you are not distracted, and so that you can speak out loud and sing and cry. If your family situation or home does not have such a place, then create it, not by space, but by rule…. One saintly mother (Susanna Wesley) with a large brood of children (mother of 19) would use her apron to make a tent for her head and her Bible at the kitchen table and the children were taught, when mother is in her tent, make no noise.” – John Piper

I love that quote! If it is there is no quiet moments, then we can glean from Mrs. Wesley’s example of defining the space through training our children. Do you have a favorite comfy chair? Add a little nightstand to hold your Bible, journal, and pens. I will never forget observing the frequent occasions as a child when we would discover our mother spending time with the Lord in the front seat of the family car in the driveway. She was close enough to manage in the case of emergencies, but far enough away to enjoy some peace and solitude. With a family of eight children, she learned to adapt to make it still her priority. Even now, my devotions may be very well surrounded by my little ones (with my son often waking at 6:45am), but we are teaching them to play quietly near by. They are observing that I am making it a priority, that it is important to me. My children are not first in my life. Jesus needs to come first.

Method

Without a plan it is easy to loose focus, routine, and develop more a hit-and-miss approach. One tool I have used for years is the The Discipleship Journal Bible Reading Plan. The design is to read daily from two Old Testament and two New Testament books. During busy seasons of young motherhood, I have chose to read one of the Old Testament portions and one of the New Testament portions each day, and followed the next year with the other two columns, thus completing the Bible in two years.

Justin Taylor links to ten different Bible reading plans offered by Crossway Books and other sites. Chose a method that works for you, print it out, and put it with your Bible. You don’t have to wait till the beginning of the year either. Simply start on the current date and make your way through.

If you are new to developing your own daily devotion time or would like further inspiration, I highly recommend you check out Nancy Leigh Demoss’ book, A Place of Quiet Rest: Finding Intimacy with God through a Daily Devotional Life.

“The moment you wake up each morning, all your wishes and hopes for the day rush at you like wild animals. The first job each morning consists in shoving it all back; in listening to that other voice, taking that other point of view, letting that other, larger, stronger, quieter life come flowing in.” - C.S. Lewis, Mere Christianity

Other Recommended Resources:
When I Don’t Desire God, How to Fight for Joy by John Piper
Shopping for Time by Carolyn Mahaney

What works for you?

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Naturally Battling Depression

By on March 16, 2011 in faith & womanhood, health & nutrition

I have suffered from depression through various periods of my life, unfortunately as it seems to run in my family, but most recently during my extensive bought of 1 1/2 years with insomnia. I was extremely tired, weary, lazy, and unmotivated. You would often find me lingering in bed in the morning after a pitiful nights rest and desirous of doing nothing else but staying in my jammies all day and watching movies. I felt a darkness hovering over my spirit. A sick feeling in my gut that did not want to let go. Depression went hand in hand with fear and worry about the inability to sleep. Where can we find deliverance and freedom from these feelings?

Cling to the Savior

During periods of depression, there is little to no desire to read the Word or prayer. We are just trying to cope and find little strength there. But we must be persistent. We must wait on the Lord.  “But those who hope in the LORD will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint.” This what Isaiah 40:31 promises the faithful, the persistent. Don’t give up even though strength might seem miles away. Press on to know the Lord in your deepest periods of darkness.

“Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me (Psalms 23:4).” This is your true, enduring, and faithful life-line. You will see a light at the end of the tunnel. God does not give more than we can bear (1 Cor. 10:13).

And don’t forget to preach the gospel truth to your soul. Proclaim it from the housetops. Sing and worship with your voice. There is much refreshment and healing as we take our eyes of ourselves and focus on the beauty of our Lord. Read Romans 8:35-39 – no one can separate you from the love of Christ. I often clung to repeating out loud, “Why are you cast down, O my soul, and why are you in turmoil within me? Hope in God; for I shall again praise him, my salvation and my God.” (Psalms 43:5).

Cultivate Thankfulness

It is easy for our eyes to focus on the depressing thoughts and events that surround us and lose sight of the little blessings. Count your blessings. Record them. What gifts has the Lord bestowed on you today? Adopt the recording 1000 gifts challenge and see God transform your thoughts and understanding. It can be the hardest thing to start. But in cultivating gratefulness there is further grace. Colossians 3:15 states, “And let the peace that comes from Christ rule in your hearts. For as members of one body you are called to live in peace. And always be thankful.”

“The greatest thing is to give thanks for everything. He who has learned this knows what it means to live..He has penetrated the whole mystery of life: giving thanks for everything.” - Albert Schweitzer

Do the Next Thing

The worst culprit I found for feeding depression was to linger in bed in the morning or sack out on the couch too frequently throughout my day. This is not to say you shouldn’t rest, but guard against extended periods. Keeping yourself busy is an effective preventative against allowing your mind to wander into depressing thoughts. In these moments when I am struggling with fear, or simply the motivation to keep going, I like to read this poem:

“Many a questioning, many a fear,
Many a doubt, hath its quieting here.
Moment my moment, let down from Heaven,
Time, opportunity, guidance, are given.
Fear not tomorrows, Child of the King,
Trust them with Jesus, ‘DO THE NEXT THING.’
Do it immediately; do it with prayer;
Do it reliantly, casting all care;
Do it with reverence, tracing His Hand
Who placed it before thee with earnest command.
Stayed on Omnipotence, safe ’neath His wing,
Leave all resultings, ‘DO THE NEXT THING.’”
–author unknown

The simple step: do the next thing. This may be just getting out of bed and taking a shower. Or refreshing your soul by reading the word for 5 minutes. Or simply getting off the couch and changing that diaper. God’s grace is sufficient if we are willing to get up, change our attitude, and do the next thing.

Be in Fellowship

The easiest thing for those who struggle with depression is to hide themselves and avoid the company of others. I discovered that there is such healing in being open and honest with your brothers and sisters in Christ. Don’t try to hide it. This will only feed it more. Seek prayer. Seek support. Let others love on you. Take time to laugh with others. I found on many occasions that by just opening up and sharing my personal struggles, that I experienced release and freedom from the weight of it. We need the body of Christ. We need the support and fellowship of the body. This is one extension of God’s grace to us.

“Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly as you teach and admonish one another with all wisdom, and as you sing psalms, hymns and spiritual songs with gratitude in your hearts to God.” Colossians 3:16

Surrender

Ultimately, the place of deliverance and freedom for me has come from the place of surrender. I remembered Paul who graciously adopted his “thorn in the flesh” (2 Cor. 12:7) as the Lord’s means of purifying and maturing him in godliness. The Lord revealed to me that I had been striving for healing and restoration all in my own strength. Yes, I certainly had been crying out for mercy, and depending upon him daily for strength, but ultimately I was looking to the next natural remedy to give me sleep, to release me from depression. I tried every concoction and recommendation possible, offered through meaningful family, friends, herbalists, naturopaths and sleep specialists, and more often then not, they would simply get me more discouraged and depressed because of their uselessness.

I had to come to a place of surrender. If God wanted this to be my “thorn in the flesh” for the rest of my life, then I could choose to embrace that and walk in His joy and grace, or alternatively continue in this path of hopelessness. I knew that if I fully released my efforts, my striving for healing, and let go, there would be peace, whether I was restored or not. And I can testify to that amazing grace. God helped me experience freedom.

Natural Remedies

I have experienced various help from supplementing with these following remedies for helping keep my hormones and feelings in check. But ultimately, we cannot depend upon them for our hope. Our hope must be first and foremost in God alone.

Get Some Fresh Air

Try to get outside for some good exercise each day. Even if it’s just a quick 15 minute walk around the neighborhood while your little ones nap, you will find great refreshment for your soul. Get outside and enjoy the beauty of God’s creation.

Fish Oil

I have found supplementing my diet with cod liver oil or fish oil has been extremely helpful for balancing my hormones. I supplement with Nordic Naturals DHA oil and take two tablets daily. During pregnancy, I am taking Nordic Naturals Prenatal DHA because it has so many good benefits for healthy infant development in addition to mood and nerve support for mommy.

B Vitamins

B vitamins are essential for balancing your nervous system and stress levels. I take 1 tablet of Wild Harvest’s Stress Guard but any B multi-vitamin is very helpful for this. Dark green leafy vegetables are high in vitamin B as well. Green smoothies are an easy way of boosting these in your diet.

Flaxseeds

Flaxseeds are great hormone balancers with their high level of omega-3 fatty acids. Eat them raw, freshly ground in a coffee grinder, over oatmeal, yogurt, or various cereals, in smoothies, etc.

Develop a Peaceful Evening Routine

I have also found it helpful to establish a peaceful evening routine. I stopped getting on my computer or watching any possible intense movie (whether action packed or overly dramatic) that might get my mind going full speed or put my emotions in an upheaval. You just have to be guarded as to what you fill your mind with. Give yourself a good stretch of time to wind down from the day. Avoid staying up too late, as the best hours of sleep are between nine and midnight. Reading myself to sleep with a calm peaceful book, or simply the Psalms, has been most effective for cleaning out my mind and allowing it to rest from the days activities and get a better night’s rest.

Let me leave you with this quote:

“Therefore, depression, regardless of the causes, is a time to answer the deepest and most important of all questions: Whom will I trust? Whom will I worship?” - Ed Welch

Sometimes there will be no answer as to the reasons that you might be suffering from depression. Sometimes God doesn’t clearly define the why. Your struggles and solutions likely will be different from mine. But He does supply the grace to help us acknowledge where we can put our trust. And the only true and lasting foundation is the Lord Jesus. He is a solid rock upon which we can stand.

Additional Reading

For excellent spiritual encouragement on the topic of depression, I highly recommend Depression: A Spiritual Darkness by Ed Welch. For the life of me, I did not want to read this through my various bought of depression, but the Lord really convicted me again not to depend upon my own strength. I read it and found such encouragement!

Treating Depression Naturally by Keeper of the Home

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3 Things That Are True About You: A Musical Post

By on March 14, 2011 in faith & womanhood

Written by monthly contributor, Kat.

These three songs have taught and inspired me and I hope they do the same for you.

1. What You Do Does Not Define You

(True Things by JJ Heller)

One of the best things about leaving the working world and staying home when I had my first child, was that learned how much I put my identity in what I did.

I went from a very cool job in the music industry to staying at home and watching Barney reruns over and over and over and over.

When people asked me, “what do you do?” I felt lost because I had mistakenly let the answer to that question DEFINE me when all it really should do is DESCRIBE me.

Our definition, value, worth is not found in the things we do. And it’s not found in the children we love.

It’s found in Who loves us.

2. What You Look Like Does Not Make You Beautiful

True beauty isn’t something that changes. The Mona Lisa isn’t less beautiful now than when it was freshly painted. Because it’s beauty isn’t in the taughtness of the canvas or the freshness of the paints. It’s beauty is in the excellence of creation and the skill of the creator.

I have always loved this quote:

Whatever is in any way beautiful hath it’s source of beauty in itself. Praise forms no part of it, so it is none the better or the worse for having been praised. -Marcus Aurelius

You are beautiful because of Who is in you. You are beautiful because you have been made with excellence by the ultimate creator of beauty.

(Beautiful by Bethany Dillon)

3. God Cannot Love You More

He is infinitely perfect and powerful, so is His love.

He cannot love you more than He already does.

You cannot earn more of His love, He has already given it fully. You can only believe it, receive it and live it.

Do you remember when you first got engaged? How for days afterward, regardless of what you were wearing, you walked like a princess because the ring on your hand showed that you were well loved.

There are marks on His hands that show you are unfathomably, unimaginably, indescribably loved.

(How He Loves by the David Crowder Band)

I pray today you would be so well marinated in His love that you would walk differently. Talk differently. Live differently.

Not out of effort but because you know these things are true about you and you simply can’t help it.

Question: What song has inspired you recently?

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Finding Your Identity in Christ

By on March 9, 2011 in faith & womanhood

When do you feel good about yourself? In this very moment in your day, where are you seeking to find your satisfaction? Is it getting all your to-do list’s item done? When the children have behaved for you during your visit to the store? When people ask for and value your opinion and input? When you are promoted? When you feel loved and cherished by your spouse?

I personally desire the approval of others. I want others to think well of me. And when they don’t, I get depressed, discouraged, and emotional. I crave peace in our home – no conflict, no fighting among the little ones, no disturbance to my schedule. How do I know this? By evaluating my response when things don’t go the way I plan. Does joy reign or does tears and discouragement? You can judge your idols by the responses of your heart.

What is the focus of all these “feel good” questions? It’s self-centered me.

When our eyes are on ourselves and our inner cravings for approval are found in our own doings, accomplishments, and successes, we have lost sight of the gospel. As wives and mothers, it is easy to get depressed and discouraged because we are setting out hope on our own accomplishments, and not on the truth of the gospel. Did my child yell at me? Then I have failed as a mother. Did I only get one thing done on my to-do list? Then I have failed as a homemaker.

Where should your eyes be? Upon that beautiful Savior who suffered and died for you. We must cling to the truth that his love is ours right now – in this very moment – fully, completely, and unalterably ours. His approval of you is not based upon your performance, your goodness, your success…it is all based upon His undying love for us.

We must remember that “God loves us so much that he willingly crushed His only Son so that we might be his and that this love isn’t based on our worthiness or performance. His loves does not fluctuate from day to day. It was settled the moment he set it upon you before the foundation of the world…If you neglect to focus on God’s love for you in Christ, your Christianity will soon be reduced to a program of self-improvement – just one of many methods to help you “get your act together”. Although that may be worthy, it is not true Christianity.” (Elyse Fitzpatrick)

Jesus has granted us the ultimate Valentine, extending a “Be Mine” to each one of us, no matter our productivity for the day, or whether others approve of us or not.

Who are you? You’re his, he is yours, and you’ve been cleansed from sin. And that’s all the identity any of us need. (Elyse Fitzpatrick)

True transformation and freedom of our self-focused perspective can only come as we meditate and claim God’s love for us. When we cling to Him, lift our eyes off ourselves and simply have faith in that love, our thoughts, mindset, and feelings will be transformed. Let’s not loose sight of the gospel!

When you feel like a failure, remember that He paid the ultimate price so that you could be His daughter, His prize, His joy, and His forever. Rather than focusing on the “why this? why me?” questions, let’s ask the real question: why would God send His Son to die for me, his wretched enemy? (Rom. 5:8, 10); Why would he make him who knew no sin to be sin so that I might reap all the benefits of his righteousness? (2 Cor. 5:21); Why am I not hanging on a cross? The only answer to these questions is that God, who is rich in mercy, has loved us with his great love and showered us with his grace! (Eph. 2:2-6). This is our identity! (Elyse Fitzpatrick)

Take it home:
1. Meditate upon these gospel truths this week. Pray that God might transform your thinking to see your true value in Him. (John 3:16; Romans 4:7-8; 1 Cor. 15:1-3; Hebrews 10:19-22; 2 Cor. 4:6; 2 Cor. 5:21; Ephesians 1:3-8; Titus 3:4-5; 1 John 4:10)
2. Pick up a copy of Elyse Fitzpatrick’s Because He Loves Me and study together with your spouse or a friend who can help keep you accountable. I wholeheartedly recommend and challenge you to read it.

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Q & A’s for Mission-Minded Families: MARRIAGE

By on February 14, 2011 in building the family, faith & womanhood

by Passionate Homemaking’s monthly contributor, Ann Dunagan.
Ann’s monthly contributions will be in a Q & A style format, as we hear her heart
(balancing raising 7 children while also being passionately involved in missions).

Q. LINDSAY @ PASSIONATE HOMEMAKING:

What practical ideas do you have to strengthen your marriage?

A. ANN @ MISSION-MINDED FAMILIES:

Years ago, when Jon and I were newly married, we felt the Lord speak to our hearts saying, “Your family will not be characterized by your ministry, but your ministry will be characterized by your family.”

Over the years, we’ve come to realize that nurturing our marriage (along with raising, training, and enjoying our 7 kids) is not a “distraction” from the mission work God has called us to; caring for our marriage and family is a vital ministry, in and of itself! When our marriage is strong, and our kids are spiritually healthy, we’re all free to focus on God’s purposes and as we work together, empowered by the grace and anointing of God, we can multiply our efforts as an effective and powerful team!

As for practical ideas: Every afternoon my husband and I have “couch time” — where Jon relaxes on the couch with his head on my lap, and we simply talk about our day. We always joke with our kids, if they come in the living room and see us being sweet, that we’re helping them “to feel secure.” We also enjoy taking walks together, and visiting in our hot tub nearly every night. (You might find it funny to hear that a MISSION-MINDED family would splurge to get a hut-tub, but it was a gift from God; we get some of our best family talks and teenage discussions under the stars and in the bubbles. It’s a little example of how we place a priority on our family and marriage.)

Even when we’re apart from each other, we send frequent text messages and love notes whenever we can. When Jon is on a mission trip, I support him (and participate in the outreach) by sharing with others about up-to-the-minute prayer needs, writing online reports, being enthusiastic with the kids about what Dad is doing, and usually through fasting and serious prayer for the mission. If I’m leading a mission outreach for women and orphans, Jon does the same for me. Whenever we get the opportunity to travel and minister together, challenges can definitely be marriage-stretching . . . yet it’s always fabulous!!!

(As a side-note, we’re excited about two Harvest Ministry mission trips this month. On February 7th, Jon heads to preach in a remote area called BUDUDA, UGANDA, and just a few weeks later, our newlywed son and his bride, Josh and Anna, are pioneering a brand-new mission, establishing a new orphan home for 10 children (married just 3 months and already going on 10 kids!!! WOOHOO!!!) along with a national village evangelism outreach. It’s called PROJECT INDIA, and we’re all so excited!!!)

A loving and vibrant marriage displays to the world the amazing love-relationship between God and His Church. As the wife loves and admires, and esteems, and obeys, and submits to her husband . . . and as the husband lays down his life for his wife as Jesus did for us, our marriage reflects a bit of heaven. When the world sees a couple living in a happy fulfilled marriage, the example glorifies God.

Q. LINDSAY:

What ways do you make an extra effort to make your husband feel loved?

A. ANN:

Just this year, Jon and I celebrated our 25th anniversary. I’d treasured so many hopes and dreams about this day, practically since the day of our wedding. I always imagined a very special silver anniversary, and it was a wonderful dream-come-true. I’m quite the romantic. For years I’d dreamed about having a 25th anniversary “wedding” that would give a testimony to the world of a match-made-in-heaven that was all about God’s purposes. I wanted the day to focus on God’s mission-purposes, and the nations, and for all the glory to go to God. When the day came this past July, Jon and I were asked to speak about marriage (tag-team-style). We invited some relatives for the weekend, and planned for a special salmon reception after the service (all caught by Jon, who’s not only a fisher-of-men, but an amazing fisher-of-fish!!!).

During the first church service that day, Jon and I shared marriage highlights (including tips from our lives — as “semi-pros” — and from both of our parents — as “pros” — each with over 50 fabulous years of God-glorifying marriage). But the second service was incredible.

During his preaching, Jon invited me up to share my part, but instead of my “scheduled” first service highlight, I SURPRISED HIM (and most of the congregation, other than the leaders)!!! The sound guy started a special anniversary video I had made, based on the movie “It’s a Wonderful Life” and our 25 years of life and ministry — with 7 kids, going to 70 nations, and to all 7 continents. While the 4-minute movie played, I slipped out of the church, quickly changed into a white dress, and some amazing college friends instantly transformed our sanctuary into a wedding scene, complete with hundreds of balloons, Roman pillars, netting down the aisles, flowers, and bridesmaids (including my sister, who was my maid of honor at our wedding, our two daughters, and our then-soon-to-be daughter-in-law). Our worship leader had written an incredible song, “It’s a Wonderful Life We Live, Serving the Lord.” As he played, my dad walked me down the aisle . . . and I can’t even describe the JOY of the moment.

There are lots of things I do, big and little, to convey my love. It could be as small as giving Jon a spontaneous hug in the middle of the day, taking time to do a simple job he specifically asked me to do (rather than working on one of my own projects), or giving him a loving “look” that lets him know he’s the most handsome man in all the earth, and that I’m his greatest admirer.

Q. LINDSAY:

How do you keep your husband your first priority after God? Guarding against the kids coming between you?

A. ANN:

At this stage of life, the biggest way I guard the priority of our marriage (over our kids) is to go to bed when Jon does, even if it’s earlier than I want to. This is especially a big deal when our big-kids are home from college. Our young adults love to visit when it’s late; but if I stay up after Jon’s gone to sleep, it’s not good for our marriage.

Other little ways I show that he is still the love of my life . . . is going on trips with him (this year, we went on a family fishing trip to Alaska, and on a second honeymoon to Hawaii), keeping in shape (which is a continual big-effort and really shows him that I care) . . . and putting extra “effort” and preliminary “thought” into our times of affection.

Q. LINDSAY:

What is the most important thing you have learned about resolving conflicts?

A. ANN:

Both Jon and I are very strong-willed people. In fact, when we went through pre-marriage counseling, we took this Christian personality test and our counselors advised us that we probably shouldn’t even get married because our personalities would clash. But I knew, especially because I was a strong woman with a leadership-personality, I didn’t need a weak apathetic husband, but a strong godly one who would lead me and our family; and if we could pull in the same direction, God could work through us.

As a 19-year-old bride, I knew that God’s word would be the ultimate authority in our marriage — and if Jon and I disagreed, God’s word would be our tie-breaker. And I knew that God’s word has established the husband as the head of the home. For over 25 years, we’ve been serving God every day. Yes, we’ve had disagreements, but we have a commitment “to never let the sun go down on our wrath” Ephesians 4:26 (or as we interpret it, “to never part company until things are worked out” — even if that means being late to church, or missing an important meeting). We admit our mistakes, and we’ve learned to give and to receive forgiveness.

A vital key to a happy marriage is this 3-part phrase:

(1.)“Honey, I’m sorry . . .

(2.) I was wrong for ______________ (and be specific to apologize for each specific mistake or bad attitude . . . )

(3.)Will you forgive me?”

Something specific I also really need to continually work on is to not exaggerate my point of view. If I make a situation bigger than it actually is, or read “extra” details into something Jon says or something he did, it just stirs up a conflict. Many times, it helps just to let things go. I also read in Heidi St. John’s book, The Busy Homeschool Moms Guide to Romance (which I highly recommend!!!), it’s important to seek God (like Esther did when approaching the king) for tact and timing when talking with our husbands about a situation or disagreement which is on our hearts.

And most of all, we need to rely on God’s grace. God wants to give us HIS love and HIS forgiveness and HIS joy for our marriages and our home life. Real love is displayed best in the relationships that are closest to us. As we love the ones we live with, we can really love others. Marriage will likely be the closest thing to either heaven, or hell, that anyone will ever experience here on this earth. (And actually, even the gut-wrenching grief of a broken marriage or relationship can help people realize what God’s love is supposed to be; the covenant of marriage represents God’s unfailing, perfect sacrificial love, and when the object lesson doesn’t match up, it HURTS worse than anything most people have ever imagined).

With God’s help, may His Kingdom come and His will be done in our homes and marriages . . . and may our families not only reflect heaven, but also lead others to respond to God’s life and salvation through Jesus, so they can go to heaven too!

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The Best {Natural} Valentine to Give Your Husband

By on February 7, 2011 in faith & womanhood

Photo by Marcus Hansson

Photo Credit

Post written by contributing writer, Michele.

Have you pulled out your wedding photo album in awhile? Go dust it off, browse through, and reminisce for a moment with me.

Remember that day…

The joyous leap of your heart at the sound of his voice…

That moment of walking down the aisle, giving him your hand and heart, your eyes drawn to his…

Feeling the rightness of his ring, slipped onto your finger…

The surreal discovery of oneness and laughter on those early honeymoon days…

The marriage of two imperfect people…

Storms of life can (and will) appear. Emotional scars, disconnectedness of busy schedules, tiredness of intense parenting seasons, and distractions of many kinds, can chip away at the sanctity- and priority- of marital intimacy. But Matthew 19:6 says, “So they are no longer two, but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let no one separate.”

Joining Hands…

Is your husband receiving your rich desserts or weary leftovers? Are you busy doing “good things” for him (and your family), instead of giving him yourself? All of you- Just as you did that blessed wedding day those years ago.

If we allow the storms and distractions to divide and interrupt the intimacy of our marriage, it may not be “divorce,” but it is the beginning of separating what God joined together.

As you prepare your personal/family mission statement, intentionally plan and prepare to bless your husband in the bedroom- not just in the rest of his home with helpful home-keeping routines or meal plans.

Beginning Anew…

Prayerfully consider this aspect of your marriage. You may find a book such as Intimate Issues helpful as you prepare your heart anew; perhaps with some focused reading and prayer times in the weeks leading up to Valentine’s Day (or any day). Ask God to show you (and heal you of) any hidden areas of pain, distraction, guilt, etc. that may be hindering intimacy with your husband.

Just as we are conscious of avoiding artificial/chemical additives or spoilage in our food and choose healthy, natural options to nourish our family, we need to examine our heart to make sure nothing is “contaminating” the oneness of our marriage. What needs to be cleansed from your heart, to allow for greater intimacy?

Nurturing…

As you strive to nurture the marriage relationship with your husband, you can create a fun date night at home with whatever you enjoy as a couple; such as a candlelit romantic meal or a massage with some rich, natural homemade lotion (a recipe is available in my eBook, A Natural Noel; perhaps substitute a more “manly” scent such as cedarwood essential oil instead of orange, if he prefers).

But in your preparations of cooking and lighting candles, don’t forget to focus on preparing your heart for him in oneness and vulnerability. Intimacy isn’t just another “thing to do” or a “quick fix” for your marriage; it means being transformed. Let him fully see the the gift of your heart, and the authentic joy he brings you.

More than anything else, the most precious, valuable gift you can give your husband is intimacy with you…. au naturale.

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How and Why To Say No

By on January 31, 2011 in faith & womanhood

Post written by contributing writer, Kat.

We live in an age of constant communication and abounding options. Stay at home moms are not isolated anymore. We have countless opportunities to get involved in church, the community and online.

While there are many benefits to our connectedness, there is also a greater need for us to become adept at knowing when and how to say no.

Today, instead of hearing about a friend’s need thought the occasional phone call, we get every forwarded email, we read every blog post about everyone we have ever (or never) met who needs our help.
For our own well being and for the sake of our families, we must learn the fine art of gracious decision making. Here are a few tips:

Never Give An Immediate Yes

Consider making no your default. If something particularly strikes you, tell them you’ll pray and talk to your husband about it, but do not take on a new responsibility without stepping away from it first.

Have a Plan

Knowing what you want makes it a lot easier to decide when and how to say no. This is why having a mission statement is so vital, because it is a constant reminder of our priorities and acts as a bouncer toward all uninvited opportunity that could distract us from our most important responsibilities.

Decide and Be Done With It

We can neither live with the burden of extra responsibilities nor the weight of guilt from turning them down. We must be able to decide and be done with it. Don’t wonder, worry or whither.
Being able to say no is absolutely essential to living a balanced and well organized life.
If you’ve measured it against your mission statement and goals, evaluated whether it fits in your schedule, if you’ve discussed it with your husband and if you’ve prayed about it, your direction should feel pretty clear. Be confident in your choice.

Practice: Repeat After Me

“Thank you so much for asking me but I’m trying to honor my family with my time and I don’t think this is something I can commit to right now.”

You might need to practice it one or five hundred and sixty two times before it feels comfortable enough to actually say. That’s alright. Keep practicing.

Make An Exit Plan

Maybe you’re reading this post and kicking yourself (please stop, that hurts) because just the other day you said yes to something you shouldn’t have.

Don’t worry, you’re not stuck. You just need to make an exit plan.

While often even harder than saying no, others understand and are even inspired when someone is brave enough to say, “I overcommitted and need to step back for the sake of my family.”

Conclusion: It’s Really OK to Say No

As women, we often want to help wherever we see a need and especially if asked, well of course, we can’t let them down. But God has a plan for you and just because someone asked for your help doesn’t make them part of that plan.

We need to remember that it is ok to say no. We are not letting anyone down, we are doing the best thing for our families and giving someone else an opportunity to serve.

Is it easy or hard for you to say no? Is there anything you need to say no to today?

Comments { 40 }

Developing a Personal Mission Statement

By on January 20, 2011 in faith & womanhood

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Simplifying and prioritizing in your life all begin with developing your core foundation, a vision, a mission, a plan. This is a key foundation for the second step of developing a structure, routine, and schedule for your life. We need to build a foundation. What are your priorities? Are you doing the right things that God has assigned for you? What does this look like in my daily life? Having a mission is a beautiful thing. It brings clarity, purpose, and direction for your life. Every decision and event that comes to the table can be filtered through your personal mission statement.

I began developing my mission statement this last year, and have found it extremely inspiring and beneficial. Two resources I found extremely helpful in the process of developing my mission statement, were Kat’s Mission Statements for Moms and Tell Your Time by Amy Stephens. Here is how I did it:

1. List your Roles.

Start by making a simple list of the important roles that you have been called to fulfill. You start with the question: what the the important roles in my life? Amy Stephens shares, “Your roles are not the same as your activities. Roles are who you are; activities are what you do in your roles.” Then list them in order of priority in your life.

My list is as follows:

1. Self
My body – including mind and soul, need nurturing, rest, and refreshment daily. In order to be effective, joyful, and fruitful in my other roles, I need to prioritize taking good care of myself. This doesn’t mean I am spending hours in front of the mirror. No, I am referring mainly to my soul – nurturing my soul through the Word of God and prayer, followed by exercise of my physical body. These two things are essential for keeping me healthy and fit for the Lord’s use.

2. Spouse
I am Aaron’s wife. He is my husband and the most dear relationship I have in my life. I have committed to being married to him for the rest of my life, and I fully intent, by God’s grace, to carry out my covenant with him. This relationship needs time, attention, and nurturing in order for our marriage to be satisfying and influential. We want to labor together, utilizing both of our skills, for the furtherance of the Kingdom. My husband’s needs come before my children, and I need to constantly evaluate where I am at in this area.

3. Parent
I am the mother of two beautiful children with an additional precious life in the womb. I want to cherish, love and nurture them, as my precious little disciples.

4. Educator
I want to be the primary educator of my children. I want to nurture a love for learning and be actively involved in their education.

5. Homemaker
After the nurturing of my primary relationships, I am primarily responsible for the maintenance of our home. For me, this means I have a goal of maintaining a simple, peaceful home. I am not about perfection, but basic cleanliness, healthy meals, and such.

6. Ambassador for Christ
I am personally passionate about living intentionally to further God’s Kingdom, so I like to detail what this looks like for our family. It is more clearly laid out in our family mission statement, but I am also committed to showing hospitality through our home, offering encouragement through my writing, and striving to inspire others to see the true delight of following hard after Christ.

Other roles that may be on your list: Employee, Student, etc.

2. Dream.

Secondly, I mapped out my main goals in each area of my roles. Part of this was already defined above as I listed out my roles. I sought to dream. What do I want to be known for? How do I want to influence others with my life? What is my main goal in my relationship with Jesus, my spouse, my children, etc?

My mission is:

  • To passionately pursue Jesus, by committing every action, thought, and care to His Lordship in my life.
  • To passionately love and help my husband by affirming his leadership, meeting his physical needs, and partnering with him in serving the Lord for all our days.
  • To cherish, love and nurture our children, acknowledging them as my first ministry, my disciples, to train them to follow Jesus with their whole hearts and serve others for the furtherance of the Kingdom
  • To manage my home simply and peacefully, making it a haven of rest and refreshment for my family and anyone the Lord sends our way. To encourage an atmosphere of learning, love, and encouragement in our home, being quick to forgive, extend grace, and invest time in the souls of my children.
  • To inspire others to see the beauty and value of following Christ through my writing, hospitality, notes of encouragement, and my life. May every action whisper his name.

3. Define Your Roles.

After defining what was my main goal in preserving each of my roles, I went through each of these roles and asked the question: what specific simple steps can I take to accomplish this dream? What do I want this to look like in my daily life? Think of 3-5 activities that will help you move toward reaching your goals. So again, here is what it looks like in my life:

Self:
Daily time in Bible reading, prayer, and thanksgiving
Regular soul care (sleep, exercise, planning retreat)
Attending church each week
Reading 25 books each year

Spouse:
One on one time with Aaron each day after kids go to bed
Date night at least twice a month
Weekly prayer time together (every Sunday morning for 1 hour)
Annual getaway – schedule a special trip for our anniversary each year

Parent:
Focused, one on one time with each child each day (tea time, games, etc)
Daily devotions at breakfast and dinner time
Rocking, singing, and praying over them before bed
Monthly family outing

Educator:
Four times a week – 30 minute school time with Karis
Library story time each Thursday
Monthly field trip
Craft project once a week
Read books for 1 hour each day

Homemaker:
Prepare healthy quality meals for my family
Clean our home and launder our clothes every Monday
Regular planning retreats on Sat morning (menu plan, errands, to do lists, review goals)

Ambassador for Christ:
Write two blog posts each week
Host hospitality twice a month
Reach out to mothers at library story time and invite to lunch as we develop relationships
Write a note of thanksgiving or encouragement to one person each week

4. Make it Beautiful and Visible!

Write it all out. Make it beautiful. Post it on your walls, in your bedroom, in your home planner. Write it out in calligraphy and post it somewhere special. Keep it visible so it is there to inspire you onwards. Chose a regular time that you can sit down and review your mission and your progress. I have found it extremely helpful to start my weekly planning retreat with this activity. I read through it and then I pray and ask the Lord how I am doing. I then ask: what practical steps can I take this week to strengthen my relationship with the Lord? My husband? My children? I chose just one thing I can do this week. I follow this up by asking: How can I serve others, express thankfulness and/or encouragement to one person this week? And finally, what is one area I need to simplify to provide more peace in our home?

This is the way I seek to make it doable and yet intentional. You might find it helpful to review daily at the start of your day, asking what simple step could you take that very day. Add it to your to-do list. Or you may chose to review once a month. Either way, find a suitable time for review in order that it might stay fresh on your mind and heart, keeping your striving towards the ultimate goal of using your time most effectively for God’s glory.

From my mission statement, I can now map out my daily schedule and routines, which come more naturally once I have defined what I really want to be all about. Stay tuned for what our schedule looks like…

I love how God’s grace is sufficient to pick us up when we stumble and fall. I love how He is there to guide us, to hear our cry’s for purpose and mission, and that He will hear your prayer to develop your own mission statement. Make sure to entrust every step into His care, and He will bless you!

May you be blessed as you seek to develop your own personal mission statement!

Comments { 37 }

Guarding Against Technology Time-Wasters

By on January 14, 2011 in faith & womanhood

Technology is a powerful tool, but it also can be a distracting time-waster. I have been honored to use this tool to not only help organize my life in many ways, to maintain this blog ministry, but I have also experienced its powerful drawing nature. I have seen the minutes and hours tick by as I have been distracted with reading yet another post, or another update, or researching another product. I have noticed a growing trend, especially among stay-at-home mom’s to be sucked into the world of social media. It may be that we are taking care of little ones all day long and we desperately need an outlet. The enemy likes to draw our attention away from doing Kingdom work (and that surely includes your mothering, wifely, and household duties), and waste precious time.

I have had an IPhone for the past two years. It has been very useful for maintaining my schedule, organizing various aspects of my life, and keeping up to date on so many things. Over the last few months, the Lord has been convicting me that it was time to let it go. Why? It had certainly increased my productivity, but it had also become a distraction. Because I had to keep my phone near me most of the day, my temptation was to frequently check email, twitter, facebook, and other updates. It was a hard decision to make, but when the time came to say goodbye…I did feel incredibly free. Sometimes it requires drastic steps to let go of these strongholds.

Here are some practical suggestions that I have found helpful in reigning in this tiger and using the Internet in a wise manner. We women love connecting with people, and so much of that now is taking place online through facebook and twitter. You view someone status and then you get sucked in to view their pictures, which leads you to another’s profile, and it goes on.

- Limit your friends.

As much as I’d love to be friends with everyone that may request it, I must be honest with myself. Do I have time to read all their updates, status reports, pictures? No. We cannot possibly maintain all these friendships. There is no race to gain the most friends, it does not show how popular you are. Only chose those friends that are truly friends.

- Limit your status updates to once a day.

This applies to twitter and facebook. Who wants to read your 10th tweet for the day? Sorry. I stop following those who tweet too repeatedly, or who re-tweet everything out there. Stick with the important stuff. Truly evaluate whether or not you want to communicate something. IS this really that beneficial to re-tweet? Is this really going to encourage or bless someone? A highlight in your day is awesome, but not every passing detail.

- Chose your favorite 5 blogs.

I used to be subscribed to 30 different blogs. I finally realized I always skipped half of them. So then why are they still cluttering my RSS feed? Select the unsubscribe button. Ask yourself: does this blog really inspire me? Does it cause me to compare? I weeded out 25 and stuck with my favorite 5 blogs. So yes, if that means unsubscribing from PH, than I encourage you to do so. My goal is not to get the most subscribers, but rather help you weed out distractions, and if this blog is one…I want to encourage you to remove it.

- Use a timer for your computer time.

I found it very helpful to designate a specific hour during the day that could be my computer time. And yes, I aim to limit it to 1 1/2 hours and that being mostly during the children’s naptime period (pregnancy requires mommy to take a short nap myself to maintain my joy and energy!). I utilize Online Stopwatch for 15 minute intervals. 15 minutes on emails, 15 minutes on social media, 15 minutes responding to comments, and the final 30 minutes on blogging. It’s hard to write a post in 30 minutes, but that is my goal. This may tweak a bit with each day, but it is my guideline. Make a plan for your computer time and guard it carefully.

And one final thing to mention on this line…May I encourage you to keep your computer away from your bedroom. I try to store my laptop in the farthest location away from my bedroom and morning activities. Otherwise, it is too easy to check my email. Are you like me who imagines I can do it ‘real quick’? I also believe your bedroom should be a sacred place for you and your husband.

To read my thoughts on Television and movies, check out my Simplifying Entertainment post.

Now it’s your turn…how do you seek to guard your computer time? What practical tips can you offer for protecting against it from becoming a time-waster?

Comments { 64 }

Stop Serving Your Family & Serve the One

By on December 10, 2010 in faith & womanhood

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Post written by monthly contributor, Kat.

I’ll bet you never thought you’d read that post title on this blog…

Let me explain.

We come to expect a certain response from our husband and children when we do things to serve them. A thank you, a smile, 12 dozen roses, foot-washing.

You know. Standard stuff.

Our families, however, aren’t always aware of the protocol. They don’t always respond the way we want them too. And we become disappointed. Disillusioned.

And we pout. Sometimes we give up and declare, “Well, if they’re not going to appreciate me, I’m just not going to go to all that effort.”

But when do those exact same acts with a heart to serve Jesus, we can only be disappointed if we don’t take time to listen to his ever flowing words of affirmation and love. He says, “Thank you for showing love to my precious ones.” “Thank you.”

Our families are blessed and served and we are encouraged.

We can choose to serve the fallen or the infallible. Only one will never disappoint.

When we serve Christ and our security is set in Him, we won’t demand it from our families who are incapable of giving it. And we are free to wholeheartedly serve because we require nothing in return.

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