Archive | building the family RSS feed for this section

Impacting Your Child’s Blueprint

By on September 28, 2011 in building the family

Photo Credit

Written by monthly contributing writer, Trina Holden

It all started with a  mowhawk. Maybe I was finally tuning into my inner rebel. Maybe I wanted to prove to my son that how he wore his hair would never affect our relationship. After all, hair doesn’t really matter that much, does it? Whatever the reason, instead of buzzing all his hair short for summer, I left a strip on the top long, and showed him how we would mowhawk it next time we went out. It was cute and fun, and — I thought — entirely harmless.

Then came a conversation with my wise father-in-law over a family campfire later that month. I did a really brave (or stupid) thing, and asked him what he thought of how we were doing as parents to his grandchildren. I was not surprised when he mentioned the mowhawk. I tried to brush it off, to explain that it really wasn’t that big a deal. Jesse hadn‘t seemed to care much — it was pretty much a non event. But then Dad said something that opened my eyes to what I had been blind to. It wasn’t the mowhawk, or just the mowhawk that was the problem. He had observed that I had a tendency to put too much emphasis on physical appearance, and that giving my son a special hair cut at age 4 could be significantly affecting his blueprint in regards to his outward appearance.

What on earth is a Blueprint? We all have one –  it’s the mindset that shapes our thoughts and actions for all of life. Blueprints are set at a young age, often by a child’s first impressions on an issue. Many believe 5 years is the end of the first phase of childhood, and that life-long blueprinting has been cemented by this time. Biblical evidence backs up this theory. Moses was weaned at age 5 and left his home and his people, but he never forgot who he was. Samuel was also 5 when his mother left him in the care of Eli. She must have done well in training him in those first 5 years — he certainly didn’t become the Godly leader he was by following Eli‘s example. Our blueprint affects our choices about money, health, entertainment, relationships, self, God, and more.

After my conversation with my father-in-law I was suddenly sobered by the idea that the season of blueprinting my son was drawing to a close - he would be five at the end of the summer. We hadn’t  even started school yet, but he had absorbed so much. What did he already believe about life? His future decisions would be based on which impressions and examples he had received in these first years? And what was I subconsciously impressing on his little sister and younger brother? Now that I was aware of the process, what could I be doing to give them a more Godly, balanced blueprint? I quickly became aware of so many areas in which I needed to become more intentional.

  • Self-worth     Does my child get accepted and receive fellowship when he does good, and degraded or shunned when he fails? This can create a driven perfectionist who believes their worth is in their accomplishments. I need to affirm verbally and with actions that he is loved unconditionally.
  • Body Image     Am I putting too much emphasis on the physical appearance? I love to dress my kids and keep their hair tidy, but I need to be cautious of how much fanfare I create over their appearance. Overemphasizing beauty or looks can confuse the message that their heart is what matters most.
  • Technology     Does my child see that the internet is a tool, or that it takes priority over relationship with him?  My generation knows that we can live without the internet and cell phones, because we did until the last two decades. But he won’t have a vision for the proper role of technology in his media-saturated world unless I exemplify balance.
  • God     Does my child know that God is alive, personal, and loves him? Not unless I am living authentically before him – exemplifying and explaining prayer, repentance, humility, and the sanctifying power of the gospel will he have a blueprint that will guide him to a personal relationship with Christ.

Rather than feeling overwhelmed and fearful at the significant impact my every action can have on my son’s future, I’m excited and humbled by the opportunity to give him a strong foundation in things that are eternally significant. It drives me to go before God regularly to make sure I’m getting my own blueprint re-aligned with God’s view of me. May we be as intentional with what our children absorb outside the classroom as we are with the concrete lessons of reading and writing.

Comments { 23 }

Struggles in Child Training: Finding Solutions in the Word

By on September 21, 2011 in building the family

Photo Credit
Written by monthly contributor, Natalie Didlake

As my children grow older, I am continually tempted to think training and raising them grows more complicated. Every day seems to hold at least one situation that I have no idea how to handle. I regularly feel like that high school teacher we all had: the sweet, quiet one who got spit balls on the back of the neck and whose verbal warnings got drowned out by an out-of-control class. It can be downright overwhelming and confusing.

I am tempted to sigh in frustration when we have unresolved issues, telling myself it’s gotten out of hand. I want to give in to feeling hopeless, or ignore the problem entirely. Yeah right. Deep down, I know that if I surrender to my parenting problems, they will not go away. My kids will be incomplete, and so will I.

So what can I do when I have no clue how to handle my kids? I know I’m the authority. I want to do my job. But I have no idea what exactly that entails.

Recently, I’ve been having many victories over my hopeless attitude, and also gaining lots of insights into how to handle my kids better!

The tools I’ve been using are so simple, I can’t believe I ever by-passed them and choose frustration instead! Here’s a summary:

  1. Identify my “give-up” attitude toward raising my kids. Vow to mentally tackle the issue at hand, ASAP. No more brushing it under the rug.
  2. Pray. Confess your reliance upon God as the source of the answers. I believe He wants me to raise my kids in the Lord, since he says so in Ephesians 6:4. Therefore, I also believe he will give me exactly what I need, if I ask. (James 1:5)
  3. Think hard, trying to narrow down the specific issue at hand. Not trying to reason through it myself, but allowing scripture to sort through what my kids need to trained in, and what to let go. Oftentimes the hardest part!

A few months ago, our third child joined the other two as a full-blown talker. All three of them talking, talking, talking, all day long!

I had a general sense there was far too much talking here. But I couldn’t very well say, “Don’t talk so much!” or “Be nice in what you say!” or “Can’t I just have 5 minutes of peace and quiet!!!” Nope. Not great parenting.

I decided to just pray and ask the Lord to show me how to teach them about their speech patterns. I began seeing more specific issues that I needed to tackle one at a time. Things like interrupting (being rude, I Cor. 13); arguing (Phil. 2:14); and using harsh tones (Pr. 15:1).

These were the easy ones. Some we are working through, and others I haven’t identified yet. But one stands out in my mind as a moment the Lord spoke crystal clear, through a scripture.

My children suddenly had begun coming to me about every 2 minutes, saying things like, “Mommy, R. hit me.” “Mommy, S. won’t share.” “Mommy, L. ate my snack.” I believed they were telling the truth. And I knew it was my job to serve justice. But really? Complaining about each other all day long? I knew it wasn’t the tone I wanted in our home, but could think of no concrete way to explain it to my toddlers.

Then I remembered what I read that morning, what Jesus told his disciples:

Do not think that I will accuse you to the Father. John 5:45

Accusing…that was it! My children were accusing each other. It’s so clear that Jesus is about helping, defending, and rescuing, not accusing. No wonder it bothered me so much! I researched and found out that Satan is called the “accuser of our brothers…who accuses them day and night before our God.” (Rev. 12:10)

I was so thrilled to see a solution emerge right from God’s mouth, his very word. I sat down my kids and explained to them the contrast between Jesus and Satan, and how they speak about people. Their eyes went wide when I told them Satan is an accuser who spends all day accusing us before God!

How incredible, for God to speak so directly to me and my children, as I struggle to train them!

How has God spoken to you through his word in your child-rearing? Please share!

Comments { 38 }

The Blessings of a Small Home

By on August 24, 2011 in building the family, frugal & simple, making a home

Written by monthly contributor, Emily Pastor.

I grew up in a large home and assumed that’s what I wanted for my family when I got married.  I often felt a twinge of jealousy when I heard of friends my age purchasing their first house while I had to “settle” with a tiny apartment and loud neighbors.

Looking back I am so thankful for living in small spaces and the experience of moving five times in less than 4 years.  Each move left me holding on to my “stuff” with a looser grip and realizing that owning less can be a freeing blessing.

The Lord has used these moves and small apartments to teach me contentment.  The type of contentment where I’m no longer “settling” for less, but when faced with the option, I’m choosing it.  While these trinkets and “necessities” that fill our homes aren’t inherently wrong, they are temporary and fleeting and can easily become burdensome.

In our society we often think that having more than we need is a blessing.  I argue that it can be tiresome and a burden.  If you, like me, are living in a small space and struggle with contentment, here are some reminders of the blessings of less.

1. Less to Clean
Times of cleaning truly bring out my contentment and thankfulness for a small space.  I often think of how much more of my time would be spent cleaning a larger home.  I can vacuum my entire apartment in less than 10 minutes.  I love scrubbing only one toilet!  Dusting is a 10 minute breeze.  With less space I’m able to keep a deeper-cleaned home instead of spending most of my energy keeping things “looking” clean.

2. Less Chasing
When we’ve stayed at my parent’s larger home, I’m always amazed at how exhausted I become from chasing little ones.  I’m sure this isn’t a huge deal when children are older, but with new walkers and wobbly toddlers, chasing can become an all day affair.  Small spaces allow young ones the freedom to move around the house without gates and still be within earshot and eyesight of Mama.

3. Less to Decorate
Small spaces are not only less intimidating to decorate, but they are much more friendly to the decorator on a budget.  I love decorating a small room to be cozy and functional without the pressure to find pieces simply to fill empty spaces.

4. Less to Maintain
Whether large or small, all homes require maintenance.  Appliances break down.  Furniture wears out.  Walls need new paint.  Roofs leak.  Lawns need mowing.  Smaller spaces can reduce the time and money spent on keeping a home maintained and comfortable.

5. Less Space for Clutter
With limited closet and storage space I’m forced to weed out useless clutter due to the lack of clutter hiding spots.  I wouldn’t deal with my clutter nearly as much if it didn’t invade my space so easily.  This lack of space is a blessing!  My space keeps me accountable to what we do and don’t need around the house.

“Now there is great gain in godliness with contentment, for we brought nothing into the world,  and we cannot take anything out of the world. But if we have food and clothing, with these we will be content.” 1 Timothy 6:6-8

Whether you are in a large or small home, may your hearts be filled with contentment, generosity, and thankfulness to the One who provides for our needs so faithfully.

Comments { 56 }

Good Things Come in Squirmy Packages

By on August 17, 2011 in bellies & babies, building the family

Guest post by Amanda Bacon from Bacon Bites.

Chances are if you have been out in public with more than one child in tow, you have heard comments similar to these:

“Wow, you have your hands full!”
“My!  You sure are busy!”
“I don’t know how you do it!”
“You’re brave for bringing them all with you…”
“Are they all yours?”
“Better you than me!”

You get the idea.  You give them a weak smile while thinking, “That’s all you could think of to say to me?”

Sadly, in our society, parents are accustomed to hearing these types of statements.  These comments are an indication that our society views having children differently than God does.  Why are children not universally valued in our society?  Can we see children as a joyful addition to life (and shopping trips)?

And by the way, moms always know we have our hands full, don’t we?  But that’s part of the joy of it all.  I LOVE taking the kids to the store.  I really do.  It’s a challenge and such fun all at the same time.  As I’m sure you do, I treasure any chance to slip into town to the store by myself.  But that’s not always practical.   Plus, taking the kids to the store gets us out of the house and teaches the kids how to properly interact with the outside world.  Also, having the three bigger kids bagging produce for me is an added bonus.

We saw what kinds of things can be discouraging to a mom, now let’s look at how we can build up and encourage one another in our mothering.  I can think of plenty of positive things to say when I see a fellow mom out and about with her kid(s).  How about:   (These are real things that people have said to me, God bless these kind and wonderful souls!)

“Those are some cute kiddos.”
“How old are they?  They are just beautiful.”
You are incredibly blessed.”
“You’re doing a good job, Mom.”
“Can I help you with anything?”
“You kids are so well behaved.”
“It must be fun to be out shopping with your Mom!”

I have six children ages ten and under, including the adorable and chubby ten month old baby boy who arrived just three weeks ago whom we are in the process of adopting and the fourteen month old baby girl we welcomed through adoption last summer when she was nine weeks old.

I don’t see our family as large – I see it as just right.  It’s our family.  And I adore our family.  It’s not a burden, it’s an absolute joy.  I can understand why a family with more than two to three kids is considered “large” in our culture where reaching the American Dream is something to be strived for, and many view children as little beings that get in the way.  Well, I for one am living my dream.  No American Dream needed here, I have a God-given dream.  God has pieced our family together in ways I couldn’t have dreamed up in a lifetime of nights spent sleeping.  He has made me a joyful mother of children.  There is nothing that could entice me to live in a bigger house, have a nicer (and smaller) car, enjoy more throw around cash, have designer clothes, and a career that is taking off.  Nothing.  I laugh at the thought.  I love my life.  Our children are a heritage.  They (and ourselves) are the only things that are lasting in this life in light of eternity.

Children are God’s gift to us. Psalm 127:3 states, “Behold, children are a heritage from the LORD, the fruit of the womb a reward.”   That passage goes on to say, in verses four and five, “Like arrows in the hand of a warrior are the children of one’s youth.  Blessed is the man who fills his quiver with them!”

What might those blessings of having children look like?  Sometimes we view blessings as only the obviously good things that come our way.  I can tell you first hand that I am blessed to have been humbled on several occasions by my children.  They help me continually see my need for God.

No matter what our society says about raising children, we can know that the God of the universe is cheering us on. And that is more than enough as we raise the next generation of arrows to be shot out into this world for his glory.

Amanda Bacon enjoys life with her family in the beautiful state of Alaska.  She is married to Jeremy, and has six children ages 10, 9, 6, 3, 14 months, and 10 months.  Her interests include helping women grow in relationship with the Lord, adoption, homeschooling, sewing, knitting/crochet, and blogging at Bacon Bites. 

Comments { 60 }

3 Mission-Minded Family Dynamics

By on July 29, 2011 in building the family, missions & ministry

by Passionate Homemaking’s monthly contributor, Ann Dunagan.

God has a destiny for you and for your family. He has an individual plan for each member, as well as a “corporate” purpose for you as a family unit. As a mom, God will help you to train each child toward God’s mission for his or her life, and He will help you to focus your family toward making a strong impact for His kingdom — in your community, in your church, among your children’s friends, and in the world.

In a mission-minded family, there’s a God-infused energy. There’s a focus on God’s worldwide purpose. There’s a passion for the lost. There’s a spiritual depth and hunger that reaches beyond the maintenance mode of cultural Christianity. A mission-minded family emphasizes leadership, calling, and destiny. There’s a prevailing attitude of self-sacrifice. And there’s an unmistakable and contagious joy.

I believe these qualities can be identified and summarized in three powerful dynamics.

Dynamic #1: A mission-minded family lives in SUB-mission.

A mission-minded family is totally submitted to God and to His purposes. Like a submarine advancing to its underwater target, it’s under the surface that counts.

It may sound more important to board an overseas-bound 747 or to have the opportunity to influence a huge crowd of people, but these activities may not be God’s best plan for this particular moment (or season) in our lives. We’re all called, as believers, to be a part of God’s worldwide plan; but His expectations for us, as individuals and as a family, may be much smaller, yet possibly even more challenging to obey. Today’s mission-for-the-moment simply may be to open our Bible and read a few chapters or to take a minute to pray for a friend. Maybe right now all God wants is for us to snuggle up on the couch with a little one and read a fun storybook. Or perhaps God’s perfect will is merely for us to quit procrastinating, turn off the computer, and go finish those loads of laundry!

Living in SUB-mission to God involves every area of our lives: our personal maturity (spiritually, mentally, physically, and financially), our attitude toward our marriage, our family priorities, our disciplines in home management — along with our ministry callings. As we allow God to refine those sub areas in our lives, we can trust that He will fulfill all of His mission promises to us, in His timing.

Dynamic #2: A mission-minded family is focused on eternity.

Mission-minded families have a focused purpose for life.

It’s good to consider the godly legacy we will leave for the next generation and important to realize that our day-to-day decisions can leave a lasting example, for good or for evil. But as Christians, and as members of mission-minded families, our godly legacy is not the end. Our ultimate life evaluation will not be determined by the opinions of those we leave behind. Instead, our life will be judged by the One we go to meet—our almighty God in heaven.

A mission-minded family keeps God’s focus in mind. A powerful dynamic is present when you raise your children to walk daily in the fear of the Lord. It’s not about preparing kids to be successful, or to get into a good college, or to make a lot of money to give to missions, or even to do something “famous” for God. Our mission is to love and please God—to live every day in complete obedience.

How this plays out for each mission-minded family will be different. God has unique purposes and callings. But we begin with the end in mind. As we’re raising each of our children—from cuddling our babies, to disciplining our toddlers, to teaching and training our school-age children, to encouraging and motivating our teens, to aiming and releasing our young adults to God’s call for their lives—we keep the target in focus.

Dynamic #3: A mission-minded family is strategically aimed.

Each person in your family has specific gifts and callings, and you also have a destiny as a family.

God has placed you together as a powerful mission-minded unit, so it is important to seek the Lord for His purpose for you as a team.

Our goal is not to raise kids to be popular, famous, or wealthy. The goal is not to somehow get our teenagers to “survive” their youth without tasting a drop of alcohol, puffing on a cigarette, or experimenting with illegal drugs. It’s not enough to “hope” that each child will turn out okay or “trust” that they won’t be “too bad.” As we influence tomorrow’s world changers, our vision must be infinitely higher.

Instead of focusing on the “NO” side of human legalism (emphasizing our never-ending rules), it’s much more fulfilling and productive to challenge young people to live on the “YES” side of God’s life (emphasizing His eternal plans).

As we keep each of our children focused on God’s long-term goals, today’s short-term decisions will make sense. And today’s temptations, by God’s grace, will be easier to withstand.

As mission-minded families, we can seek God’s direction and then begin to serve as God’s facilitators and motivators. If we can encourage our children to discover God’s plans and want to develop specific God-given abilities, it will totally change everything. Instead of dealing with surface issues, we begin to train our children’s hearts and to focus on staying aimed toward God’s purpose. A change at this root level alters everything, from grades in studies and success in activities to confidence in leadership and a spiritual desire to develop God-glorifying friendships.

Mentor Families for World Missions

The post is adapted from my book, The Mission-Minded Family. Right now, our mission outreach, Harvest Ministry, is running a special on my two-book-set (The Mission-Minded Child & The Mission-Minded Family — at our COST!). We also have a new FREE 30-page study guideusing these books (to mentor your family or small group in a 4-week study).

If you’re interested in learning more, please CONTACT me through our website, and put “MM-FAMILIES SUMMER SPECIAL” in the subject line, and I’ll send you more information (with no obligation). My heart is to motivate families for missions — right now, right where you’re at!!!

Missionary David Livingstone said, “The mission of the church is missions.”
I say, “God’s mission for the family is expanding His family!”

Blessings to you and yours!!!
Ann

Comments { 8 }

Scripture Memory with Toddlers

By on July 15, 2011 in building the family, learning at home

Written by monthly contributor, Natalie Didlake

Hearing my children reciting scripture sometimes takes my breath away. Their little sing-song voices echo verses back to me as they repeat words they sometimes don’t even understand…”O Lord, you have searched me and known me…” Breathtaking!

But actually buckling down to work daily on scripture memory with little ones…it’s daunting! I used to idealize we’d learn scripture together, but I had no idea how to actually make it happen!

Here are some tips that have really helped scripture memory become a day-to-day reality at our house.

Start small.

To me, the important thing is to do something, no matter how small. It obviously isn’t a good idea to make them sit still for 30 minutes for memory drills right off the bat. We started with about 3-5 minutes of memory work each day. Read the passage in small portions and have your child repeat after you phrase by phrase.

Be expressive. (In other words, sound like you enjoy it!)

Vary inflection of your voice. This really seems to help my kids remember the words. I have noticed that when I accidentally change up our regular sing-song pattern while we’re practicing, they won’t remember it!

Think of it as giving auditory cues to boost their (and your) memory power. The Jews have a long history of chanting and singing the scriptures…and it sure works for them! Historically, it has not been uncommon for them to memorize whole Old Testament books. Phew!

Repetition, repetition, repetition.

Now that my kids know the drill, they actually love repeating the phrases over and over again! Children love repetition, especially when they are engaging and sharing it with others!

I have learned over time how much their brains can retain at one time, usually about 4-6 words. So, for example, I say a few words/a phrase, they say it. I say another one, they say it. And so on. Before long, they know it by heart!

Vary environment.

In college, I used to memorize on my 45-minute commute. It was a nice, long chunk of time, but unfortunately, I couldn’t remember much unless I was in the car! I had conditioned myself to only recall those scriptures during mindless driving. Odd, but true. Hopefully, I won’t set my kids up for this mistake.

Some places we do scripture memory are: lined up on the kitchen counter. Swinging. Snuggled up on the “big bed.” On a blanket in the yard. Riding in the car. On long walks.

This could be a great way of training children that they can interact with God and his Word anywhere, anytime. (See Deuteronomy 6, God’s instruction to parents to teach their children about him all throughout the day!)

Note: When I know my kids will struggle to focus, they sit on the couch, our “usual spot.” Having a neutral, routine environment to fall back on helps us work on memorizing even when they aren’t in an optimal mood.

Stop to explain the scriptures.

I have one child in particular who just loves to know why! How could I possibly turn down all those precious questions and comments when we’re memorizing?

I would never trade all the hours I’ve spent explaining, teaching, answering questions, giving examples, talking, and doing more explaining…for those little “lightbulb” moments when it clicks for them. It’s amazing to realize it actually might be sticking! God’s word really is like a seed! All we do is plant, and then wait and water and watch, and wait some more. (Luke 8:11)

Plus, it helps them remember! I would hardly enjoy memorizing German, why expect them to memorize verse after verse of what’s practically a foreign language to them?

Another note: Sometimes I have to cut off the questions and just plow through memorizing. I have had to accept they won’t “get” everything now. But they can still store it away for later!

Learn long passages.

I know this sounds hard. But it’s really not. It’s like eating a big steak…one bite at a time!

One “bite” at a time, we’ve managed to learn long Psalms, poems, blessings, and parts of the Epistles. It’s been the easiest approach we’ve tried by far!

I prefer to learn longer chunks over individual verses, so that I can keep the context and flow of argument in mind. I’m sure my kids aren’t benefiting from such things as context, at the ripe ages of 3 and 5…but they will later!

Also, it is easier for me to just use my Bible for review. No papers or cards, just a list taped inside the cover. With small children, simpler is always better. Soon, I’d like to have my Bible on our Kindle and work from that!

Explain why we are memorizing.

I periodically remind my kids all the reasons we do Bible memory. It really helps them to hear why, rather than me just “making” them. They are small, but they are human. Why not clue them in?

I reminded them:

Scripture can help prevent them from sin.

I have stored up your word in my heart, that I might not sin against you. (Ps. 119:11)

Scripture can teach them about Jesus, who holds out their hope for life.

You search the Scriptures because you think that in them you have eternal life; and it is they that bear witness about me, yet you refuse to come to me that you may have life.(John 5:39)

Scripture can help clarify their hearts.

For the word of God is living and active, sharper than any two-edged sword, piercing to the division of soul and of spirit, of joints and of marrow, and discerning the thoughts and intentions of the heart. (Heb. 4:12)

Addition from Lindsay:

Take advantage of fun Scripture memory CD’s set to music. Here are some of our favorites:

Songs for Saplings
God’s Word from A to Z
Steve Green’s Hide Em In Your Heart Vol 1 & Vol 2 (I love this version because it comes with the DVD adaption as well)
Seeds Family Worship (a whole series of songs with multiple CD’s for the whole family based on Scripture)

Where should you start?

We have always found it helpful to start with the ABC’s as our guide for memorizing Scripture to begin with toddlers and preschoolers. You can use one of the lists provided in the CD’s above. It helps reinforce the alphabet but also a good review reminder tool.

Otherwise, use simple passages that are meaningful to your family during this time of your life. Is your child struggling with lying? Fear? Obedience? Then, start with doing some word searches to find simple Scriptures that they could memorize to address these struggles.

Other easy lists to begin with:

10 Easy Bible Memory Verses (this list has a fun little coloring page that accompanies each memory verse)

30 Easy Bible Memory Verses (a follow up list to the one above)

My ABC Bible Verses: Hiding God’s Word in Little Heart – this book is an easy place to start as it includes a Bible verse and character story to accompany it.

I do recommend memorizing the entire portion of the verse and not just shortening it as some of these portions do above. I think you will find that a child can learn a lot more than you might give them credit for, as long as you work in smaller portions. I just prefer to give them all of Scripture for their instruction and memory work.

What tips or ideas do you have to incorporate and simplify scripture memory into your family? Can’t wait to hear your ideas!

Photo Credit

Comments { 39 }

Preserving the Family Meal Table

By on June 17, 2011 in building the family

“There is no life experience that replaces the connection and significant created by eating together at the table. Whether young or old, when a person experiences trauma, temptation, or embarrassment, being invited to the table makes them feel valued and restores their sense of significance.” – Devi Titus, The Table Experience

“Come and get it!” was often the call resounding through our home at the dinner hour. I have many a precious memory from our family dinner table as a child to a young adult. It was often a challenge to gather all eight children plus mom and dad around the table. Family togetherness at dinner was a thing my mother preserved. It may have been only 3-4 nights each week, but they were special sacred times together, especially our weekly family night every Friday evening.

Sometimes it may have been buffet style, at other times it was a more formal pass the plate around the table, or a picnic out on the back deck or lawn, or simply take and bake pizza, but in every case the preservation of love and relationships were cherished. Many times it was simply served on paper plates, but that mattered little, as we were together. Food has such a powerful way of bringing us together. Turn off the distractions, the technology, and build your health as well. It is an opportunity to slow down and focus on what is most important – our relationships. It is one way to preserve and protect the family.

Preserving Laughter & Relationship

Conversation and fellowship over the meal provides wonderful opportunities for family bonding and planning. The ability to share our lives with one another face to face not only strengthens our own identity but also fosters security, love, and affection. Use the time to ask each other about their day, to laugh at our mistakes, and encourage one another. Plan family trips, church activities, ways to serve others, or any other upcoming events. Eating together can have such power in building a strong family unity that will make a difference in this day and age.

Preserving Thankfulness

Why not make the table a place to cultivate thanksgiving? Go around and ask each family member what they are thankful for, or something that they are thankful for that transpired that day. This is a simple way to share the events of the day and conclude it in a spirit of joy and thanksgiving, which not only encourages one another, but draws the attention back to acknowledging the Source of our lives.

Preserving Prayer

The dinner table is a powerful opportunity to come together and pray on behalf of others. Set up a world map next to your table with missionaries or other people on your heart as a reminder for prayer. Designate a night each week with a prayer theme. Perhaps pray for neighbors on Mondays, your nation on Tuesdays, etc.

Preserving Hospitality to Your Own

Preserving the dinner table is an opportunity to demonstrate hospitality to those dearest to us. Put a little thought into your table setting. Make it special with candles, cloth napkins, cloth place-mats, a simple bouquet of flowers, or something meaningful to your family. Serve a favorite meal. Or designate one night a week as a special celebratory family night. We love having homemade pizza every Friday night followed by some fun family outing, games, or movie night. Be creative. It need not be every meal, but making an extra effort on occasion can really bless your family. They need to know that we love and care for them just as we would others.

Preserving Working Together

Meal preparations were often a family affair at our home. Mom would have an assigned helper for the meal or my sisters and I would take an evening meal once a week to prepare on our own. More often then not, there were multiple of us in the kitchen cooking together. This not only helped build our nutrition and cooking skills but also assisted in building our relationships as we prepared meals side by side. With younger children in tow, it’s fun to include them in meal preparations as well. From simple dicing with a safe knife, to setting the table, it is easy to find a job for eager hands to complete. For more ideas and inspiration, read Cultivating Learning in Everyday Activities- in the Kitchen.

That being said, it doesn’t have to be dinner time for these goals to be accomplished. Strive for one other meal during the day to which you could sit down face to face with each other. Or if one member is not available, don’t throw in the towel altogether. You can still cultivate peace and relationship even if one or two are absent.

It’s beneficial for the body and soul.

“Every soul has its unique nuances. Each of us is uniquely formed in our mother’s wombs…However, there is one thing we all share – the need to connect. To dine with someone is to connect with that person. The table experience with your spouse, family, friends, and colleagues – and even your enemies – has the potential to begin bonding human hearts in a new way, a deep way that brings spiritual connection, a bonding that life’s circumstances should not break. During meals hurting hearts heal, sad hearts are made glad, depressed hearts get new vision, and divided hearts come to peace.” – Devi Titus, The Table Experience

Further Resources:

Dinner Table Conversation Starters
The Surprising Power of Family Meals: How Eating Together Makes Us Smarter, Stronger, Healthier & Happier by Miriam Weinstein
The Table Experience: Discover What Develops Deeper, More Meaningful Relationships by Devi Titus

How do you maintain a regular time of eating together as a family? Any hints you might share?

Comments { 14 }

Q & A’s for Mission-Minded Families: MOTHERHOOD

By on May 16, 2011 in building the family

by Passionate Homemaking’s monthly contributor, Ann Dunagan.

As I’m writing this article, it’s Mother’s Day morning. It’s not even 7am, but my husband and I have been awake for hours. Outside my little round window, I’m looking out over the fluffy clouds, and feeling so overwhelmingly thankful. Right now, Jon and I are en route to California to welcome “home” our oldest son, a USMC 1st Lieutenant in Ground Intelligence, who returns tomorrow from a dangerous military deployment in Afghanistan. It’s an exciting life-moment, but for this time to coincide with Mother’s Day is like a special gift, just from God!

This month on Passionate Homemaking, Lindsay asked if I would share my 5 top tips for mothers.

So, how do I put a lifetime of principles into a few concise tips? I’ve come to realize motherhood is a complex calling. It begins with a tiny little person growing inside of us, but the ramifications this has on every area of our life and future are HUGE!!! Successful motherhood is not easy, and it’s definitely not for wimps. Good motherhood demands everything we’ve got, plus more. It requires strength of character; discipline; reliance on God’s grace (and lots of help from friends and family); endurance; a new heart for intercession, like we never knew before; lots of laundry soap, Comet, and Windex; laughter; and VISION.

Just to let you know, I absolutely LOVE being a mom. Some of you may have struggled with accepting the idea of motherhood, but not me. Even from the time I was a girl, I’ve always longed for the whole package-deal. I was raised as the oldest child in a fairly large family (with six kids), and throughout my childhood and youth, I always looked forward to being a mom. At our wedding, Jon and I requested a prayer of blessing for lots of kids. And then, once we started having babies, we’ve been praising God for this dream come true!!!

A fun mommy moment, with our youngest child, Philip (a few years ago)

I love the feeling of a baby growing and kicking inside me (and that season when laying on the couch and eating well gives me a feeling of productivity). I love the challenge and work and JOY of giving birth. I love nursing and nurturing a precious newborn (and seeing those big eyes looking up at me). I love snuggling with toddlers, managing a houseful of rowdy munchkins, mixing batches of yummy cookies at a crowded kitchen counter, enjoying deep conversations with teens, envisioning possibilities with young adults . . . and aiming our arrows into the world to do some SERIOUS damage to the kingdom of darkness. WOOHOO!!! I love it!!!

Continue Reading →

Comments { 43 }

Learning to Enjoy Our Children

By on May 11, 2011 in bellies & babies, building the family

Enjoying smores in our backyard

Blowing bubbles, chasing butterflies, zooming cars, and dress ups are treasured moments at our home these days. These are little glimpses into the beauty of motherhood. With two toddlers, aged 2 and 4, I confess I find it challenging to stop the daily to-do list and sit down by their side and explore the world together. It takes deliberate focused action. I am not one so eager to slow down when I want to be most productive with each passing minute. Dinner is calling, dishes fill the sink, and Karis asks for a story. But these little ones are growing up before my very eyes. When I chose to be intentional, my children blossom. They are so much more happy, secure, and satisfied even when I just take a few moments to focus on their interests in particular on a regular basis.

How hard would it be to invest an intentional 30 minutes with each child on a daily basis? That has been the gentle call upon my heart lately. I don’t want to miss out. I want these precious gifts in my hands to be lovingly cared for, nurtured, watered, and brought to fruition into a full beautiful full life. My little ones have been entrusted into my care by a faithful and loving God who has honored me with this task of motherhood. I need to refocus. I need to stop focusing on all the work involved in raising them up, and start enjoying the special things that delight and bring laughter to their souls.

Could I stop today and dance together with them across the living room floor? Could I get down on my hands and knees, even with belly protruding, and get enraptured in “zoom” noises with little cars? Could I enjoy apples and peanut butter on our back deck and talk about the latest favorite book, story, or event on my daughter’s heart? Can I just stop and see? Can I see the delight in their eyes when I ask them what they want to do and then do it with them? Can I let go of the laundry and sit down and play a roaring game of “Go Fish” with a girl who loves games? It is these simple moments that memories are made, relationships are built, and the joy of living becomes more fully known. This is where my heart and theirs is nourished and restored.

Here’s a little inspiration for investing in your children (thanks to Gospel Centered Families):

  • Show love – Our first responsibility as a parent is to love our children. Be affectionate. Tell them you love them. Always say good night. Take time to simply snuggle together. I remember snuggling with my daddy up until I was married.
  • Take time to talk – Your children won’t talk about deep, personal stuff with you, if you haven’t first talked about a load of trivial stuff. Write letters to each other.
  • Eat together – Meals are beautiful times for talking and bonding. Turn off the TV and enjoy each others company. Make the dinner table gathering a sacred event.
  • Be creative together - Read to them. Build lego castles. Bake cakes. Start a shared hobby.
  • Play with them – Kick a ball in the park. Pretend to be pirates. Board games. Get on your hands and knees.
  • Plan memories – Growing sunflowers. A treasure hunt. Sleeping in a home-made den. A special date out with each child individually enjoying coffee or simply a walk around the park.
  • Telling stories – Create your own stories or share stories from your past. ‘Do you remember when…?’

Ultimately, it doesn’t require a lot of planning…just the ability to stop, get down to their level, and enjoy life from their view! When I stop, my joy and love for them grows. Each day becomes more beautiful.

“We can remind ourselves that we do not need to judge our daily lives by how much we accomplish. There is real value in simply being present, for our children. For when we reclaim the realm of motherhood, we also protect the honor and province of childhood.” - Katrina Kennison, Mitten Strings for God

 

Comments { 48 }

Enjoying Intimacy: A Gift to Your Husband

By on February 28, 2011 in building the family


Photo Credit

Written by monthly contributor, Natalie Didlake.

Imagine for a moment: one night, you sit down on the couch next to your husband, put your feet up to relax, and start talking. You’ve been waiting all day to tell him what’s on your mind.

He turns to you, rolls his eyes a little, and grumbles, “Well, honey, it’s my joooob to listen to you jabber about your day, the kids, and what you made for dinner, so (sigh…) go ahead. But keep it short.”

(Tension in the air.)

This imaginary story hardly begs an explanation! Let’s draw it out anyways.

Duty vs. Desire

We wives can never be satisfied with less than being enjoyed, loved, and adored. Especially when it involves romantic, mushy-gushy things like…talking. A dutifully-listening husband would just not cut it.

OK. Now, time to flip it around.

Don’t our husbands want the same kind of treatment from us? They want us to enjoy, love, cherish, desire, and delight in them! Especially when it involves romantic, mushy-gushy things like…well, you know what they love!  I think we all know how important intimacy is to our husbands. The real question is, how can a wife rise above duty (merely being “available” for, or present during, intimate times), to really love and adore her husband? Let’s put ourselves in our husbands’ shoes, and think it through.

A husband wants his wife to honor him by being delightfully interested in spending intimate time together!  What does that mean? A wife shows genuine interest when she pursues not only his, but also her own enjoyment.

(Crickets.)

Some wives might say that’s not selfless or truly loving. Let’s go a step further and work through it.

This is the part that really rocks my socks: that pursuing my enjoyment in intimacy with my husband is good, because my marriage should reflect the Christian’s pursuit of delight in God!

Whoa. Unpacking time.

Delight in God

John Piper says the way we glorify God is by enjoying him. It’s not complicated. If I love God…think he’s wonderful, awesome, and amazing, doesn’t that say something about him? Doesn’t that show him honor?

Here are some of my fave scriptures that tell how we should be absolutely tickled at God…and that we get to be with him:

You make known to me the path of life; in your presence there is fullness of joy; at your right hand are pleasures forevermore. (Psalm 16:11)

My soul longs, yes, faints for the courts of the LORD; my heart and flesh sing for joy to the living God. (Psalm 84:2)

Whom have I in heaven but you? And there is nothing on earth that I desire besides you. (Psalm 73:25)

Oh, to be enraptured with God, to derive our greatest pleasure and happiness from him!

Delight in Your Husband

Likewise, in marriage, if you were absolutely delighted by being with your husband, wouldn’t that honor him for all that he is?

Don’t you, deep down, want to be caught up in delight and pleasure with your husband?

Every woman dreams of that. But when your husband is less than loving …when he hardly inspires delight and adoration…when you have no extra love to overflow…

God answers our womanly dream. He is the perfect inspiration of delight to our feminine hearts.

You shall no more be termed Forsaken,
and your land shall no more be termed Desolate,
but you shall be called My Delight Is in Her,
and your land Married;
for the LORD delights in you,
and your land shall be married.
For as a young man marries a young woman,
so shall your sons marry you,
and as the bridegroom rejoices over the bride,
so shall your God rejoice over you. Isaiah 62:4-5

Give of that overflow, to your husband…and love it!

Some Practical Tips

- Pray that you will love marital intimacy.

Do this first. You cannot have real love and delight for your husband unless God places it in you.

- Meditate on Bible passages that describe God’s love and delight in you. (See my favorites above)

Allow God to heal your soul from believing you’re not loved, pursued, or don’t deserve to enjoy your marriage.  You don’t, but Christ bought it for you. Use scripture to tell your soul to receive it.

- Take responsibility for your role.

If you have a passive attitude about intimacy, and you think it’s your husband’s job to make it fun for you, sorry. You get out what you put in.

- If you’re not “there yet”, don’t give up.

Discouragement can be your worst enemy. Don’t create self-fulfilling prophecies in your head. “Well, it’s never been all that great up till now…” Hope. Learn. Keep trying. Relax. It’s not supposed to be that difficult!

- Talk honestly with a trusted older married lady friend.

- Know your body.

It’s not magic! Learn about your physical makeup and what “tends” to work.

- Read books. In this order, I like:

A Celebration of Sex: A Guide to Enjoying God’s Gift of Sexual Intimacy, Dr. Douglas Rosenau

Intended for Pleasure, Ed & Gaye Wheat

The Act of Marriage, Tim LaHaye

- Establish traditions and routines.

- Break traditions and routines! (Sometimes.)

Keep it varied & FUN.

- Pray again that you will love marital intimacy.

You might feel you’ve tried everything. Ask God to help you understand yourself. “He will surely be gracious to you at the sound of your cry. As soon as he hears it, he answers you.” (Isaiah 30:19)

What will you do to improve on/continue to show your delight in your husband?

Comments { 133 }