Written by monthly contributing writer, Daniele Evans.
Something wasn’t right.
I knew it deep down, and it shook me up. This boy of ours struggled, unable to translate words in his mind to ones we could hear from his mouth.
He tried, yes he did. His toddler lips shaping silently, that innocent voice straining to move beyond babbling to actual speech.
Each attempt met disappointment, and Mama’s heart trembled as I watched my son. Often I’d look into those eyes, sometimes teary with frustration…and the core of me ached.
Neither one of us understood why, but he knew words escaped him. Unlike the possible fits or tantrums from a strong-hearted two-year-old, the battle within him displayed as silence.
He laughed, he played, he engaged with our family. But when it came time for words, and toddler attempts at repetition didn’t quite sound like Mama’s or big brother’s or anyone else’s…
…He sat in silence, alone with his pain. Oh, how my heart would ache for him.
Since those months, we’ve been introduced to the world of Early Intervention, speech therapy, and a host of other special needs considerations for this concern. At times overwhelming, I am mostly grateful for assistance in guiding our son.
These days, when my heart’s still shaky on the subject, I think of Mary.
I admire Jesus’ mother for many reasons. She was so calm and collected when a host of strange men excitedly arrived into her birthing space, a stall no less. I’d like to think I would simply ‘ponder all these things in my heart’, but realize words would probably escape my lips. Sigh. Most of all, I remember Mary’s initial visit from the angel (Luke 1:26-38) — an interruption to everything she was planning. Motherhood for Mary didn’t begin all cozy and sweet. She was shaken from the start with news of all her son be responsible for, all he would face.
And her heart trembled.
I am repeatedly humbled by the response. Even with heart and mind likely scattered as she processed the impact of her calling, Mary responded:
“I am the Lord’s servant…May it be to me as you have said.” (Luke 1:38)
Here’s my interpretation — “Alright. I’m God’s and I’m available to Him. Go ahead, birth Jesus in me.”
Lord, grace me with such a heart. In this unexpected path of speech delays and unknown worlds of therapists and education plans…remind me that I am Yours; and you’re up to something in my life.
The path of motherhood for any of us is both exhilarating and terrifying. It may not always be pretty, we’ll most definitely face challenges and we’ll sometimes wonder if any good is being done.
Our children will test us, onlookers will misunderstand us, and the impact of our callings will bring us to our knees. I won’t pretend to understand each personal story in this raising of children. But, I am convinced of one thing for us all:
If we allow, if we like Mary lend ourselves to being His servant, willingly walking hand-in-hand with Him in this up-over-the-top journey of motherhood…
He’ll birth Jesus in us.
And the Prince of Peace will settle our trembling hearts.
Grace in the journey sisters…