No buyers, no clients, many sleepless nights…thus would summarize some of the struggles that have been going on in my heart over the last month. I was striving, putting my best effort forward to get the word out there. Desiring desperately to move on to the next season of our lives. It feels so peaceful to move…to be closer to Aaron’s work allowing more family time (instead of hours in traffic separating us), more opportunities to reach out to his co-workers and be more in a community of families in an actual neighborhood that we could minister to, in addition to being closer to our church family.
I wanted doula clients so I could complete my certification. I only needed three. How hard could that be? I was shocked and inwardly battling discouragement when I was refused again and again. Was I really in the Lord’s will? Was this just a sign that I wasn’t supposed to be doing this? I knew I was not desiring to pursue a career in this by any means as my mothering is a full-time ministry, so maybe this wasn’t the best time to look for outside ministry opportunities?
Many continued battles with insomnia…many nights crying out to the Lord.
The Lord spoke loud and clear through two gracious friends….”Wait on me, Lindsay. All your striving only results in heartache and disappointment. Wait. It may take 6 months to sell your house, but why would you doubt that it wasn’t My will? Do I always confirm immediately? If this were so, my perfect refining work would not be completed in you. Your fulfillment will not come if you fulfill your certification requirements by the end of the year, which was your time frame. Wait for My time frame. That is perfect. My peace I give to you, My peace I leave with you. Not as the world gives – not the immediate satisfaction of your desires that the world lays forth as confirmation. I am doing a beautiful work in you. Let My peace overwhelm you. Let My peace satisfy you. Wait and be faithful where you are.”
Peace has flooded my heart. A beautiful work that only God can do when I fully resign my desires to His timing and control. I decided to stop striving and wait. It feels so good. Are you striving today? May I encourage you with these verses:
Cease striving and know that I am God. (Psalms 46:10)
Those who wait on the Lord will renew their strength, they will mount up on wings like eagles. They will run, and not grow weary. They will walk and not faint. (Isaiah 40:31)
Praise the Lord for His good work. Praise the Lord for a rich time at the beach this past month with my wonderful family! Praise the Lord for His provisions! Praise the Lord for my two little children – two precious bundles of joy, two little disciples! That is where I will be faithful. I may stumble again, but the Lord is Faithful and True to pick me up and carry me along.
The Taylor Clan 2010 – Lincoln City, OR
L-R: Aaron, Titus, me, Karis, Mom, Christa, Kelly, Brooke, Sam, Brandon, Dad, Dan, Stephen, Micah, Larissa, Trinity and my new niece – Isabelle
In the meantime, I am taking a little blogging break. Aaron has had two intense weeks at work, and we need to rest together and be a family. See you sometime next week! Have a glorious and restful holiday weekend!