I was stressed, homesick, and hating the cold weather that I’d not been accustomed to before. I was mad at myself for being like this, because I thought I was a horrible wife (later, talking to other married women, I find this is pretty common in the first, especially when a big move is involved.) All these reasons led to me taking out my frustration on my husband for a few weeks. Fortunately, he knew that the root reason was me being terribly homesick and lonely, and didn’t take it personally.

Things are much better now! I’ve learned (remembered, really) to love him for the person he is. Every time I find myself getting annoyed because he doesn’t do something, I take time to think about all the wonderful things he does do for me. Also, I’ve accepted that he is not a mind reader, and take the time to express my needs to him. That sometimes after dinner, I don’t have the energy to put up dinner and hand-wash all the dishes. Once I told him areas that I needed his help, he jumped right in, and does such things without asking. I also let him know daily that I love and appreciate him. It makes things so much nicer!

I’ve been reading your blog for some time…I live in the Vancouver area, so it’s always nice to see your local tips

I have to admit, I’m not much into religion, but I thought you may like to know that often times your posts like this reach across faiths. I think I’m going to go give my husband a hug (he’s in the bathroom, bathing our kids b/c I smashed my finger…timely reading, huh?!).

My husband and I are just finishing Love and Respect by Emerson Eggerichs. Great. Humbling, but great. Best thing he said in there (for me) was that God COMMANDS wives to respect their husbands…period. His commands are not dependant on what another person’s heart/attitude is like – He’s commanding US to do it(whatever “it” may be). Sometimes simply obeying God and choosing to believe that His word is TRUE – when it doesn’t seem like it’ll help anything in our eyes – takes faith. God is true to His word! Lord, increase our faith, that we wives might obey in ALL things!

But I think it needs to be said that it is good to *ask* for what you want. If you need help with housework there is nothing wrong with asking for it. If you do so in a non-demanding tone then he will have the freedom to say “no” if he simply can’t handle the request in that moment. Sometimes spouses would be willing to help if they just knew that it was needed.

My husband rarely helps on his own accord, but I frequently ask him if he could help with homework or baths or dishes as they often need to be done at the same time. 95% of the time he comes through and takes on a task. Because he does say “yes” so often, it is much easier to be respectful during those times when he says he is too tired/etc.