In the past I have mentioned that Aaron & I like to keep our children with us in church. I have received several inquiries as to why and how we go about this. I have finally gotten around to addressing this topic here today. I know it may be controversial, but I pray you would hear my heart and our family’s vision in this area.
I was 12 years old. Our family was taking a family vacation around the United States, expanding our knowledge of history, geography, and most importantly building family relationships. It was Sunday morning. We decided to visit a church where an old friend of my mom’s was pastoring. The moment all eight of us children walked into the sanctuary we were quickly stopped by a lady. She kindly directed us to the multiple children’s services taking place down the hallway. There was one room for each of us. We were not allowed in the service. What would you expect went through my 12 year old head? Children were not wanted. Children were noisy. Children would get in the way. Children need entertainment. They cannot sit quietly for a sermon. Children would not understand a sermon.
Statistically, as many as 88% of teens who profess Christianity walk away from their faith by the end of their freshman year in college. Could this be one of the reasons? The question begs to be asked. If children are quickly escorted off to Sunday School to be entertained from birth through high school, can we really expect them to be able to adjust well into the adult services after youth group? Families are immediately separated at the commencement of services for each to go their own direction. Sally to nursery. Thomas to youth group. Is this really helping build family relationships?
As a mother of small children who knows the challenges of training infants and toddlers to sit quietly, I definitely think there is a place for having a nursery or child care for small children. As we are involved in a new church plant, we are hoping to establish a nursery for children under five. I believe this can be very valuable, especially for new moms (whether newly saved or not) coming into the church or people just acquainted with this idea and need help adjusting. It is nice to have this option for a mother (like myself) who would like to be able to hear the sermon every once in a while. 
In the meantime, Aaron and I often listen to sermons during the week if we are not able to catch the full sermon on Sundays while juggling the little ones. I will also add that not all Sunday school programs are watered down, entertainment based, but those that are solid and doctrinally based are few and far between.
My husband Aaron and I have been blessed to have been raised in a church where children were gladly welcomed in the services at all times. It was actually age-integrated and did not offer any Sunday school programs. I have asked a few ladies to share their thoughts on the why’s and how’s of keeping children in church.
Why do you desire to keep your children in church with you?
Personally, I have experienced the impact of seeing my parents worship. As I witnessed their passion for the Lord, their enthusiasm to worship and cherish the Word, I know their example impacted me for eternity. I want my children to have this same experience. I want to be an example of one who wholeheartedly worships the Lord. My prayer is that my little ones would likewise catch the vision. Including them in church is all part of their training and discipleship. I want them to hear the full weight of the gospel. It may be hard to understand at times, but that just gives us more opportunities for follow up, discussion and discipleship at home. My husband and I believe that including them with us in church is just one way to keep our family together, worshiping and serving the Lord together as a full family unit. Lord willing, a mighty force for the kingdom!
Amy, mother of three little ones under 4 shares:
1. It helps to train parents, as well as other family members, to be tolerant and patient with babies as they mature to be children who can sit quietly and actually receive something from a sermon.
2. It gives children an opportunity to see their parents worshiping the Lord in song and listening to the sermon, being an example for them to follow. It also gives children the security of being included in the family unit which is included in the extended family of God.
3. It gives kids an opportunity to learn to respect God more because parents expect that of them.
4. In a culture that often time sees children as an inconvenience, it shows that we really do enjoy their company even if it’s childish.
5. It keeps babies out of the traditional nursery situation where germs are easily spread through the sharing of slobber, snot, and diaper changing stations.
6. It keeps babies safe in the arms of family and trusted friends instead of the arms of a nursery attendant who might be a total stranger or worse.
7. It helps our children to see themselves as a participating member of a local church instead of reducing church to a place that can often be (with some exceptions) one of entertainment with fruit loops and Veggie Tales.
8. It’s in keeping with the historical model of worship services.
Tomorrow, these ladies will be sharing their tips and suggestions for training children to sit quietly within the cooperate gathering of the church. Stay tuned for part 2…
For further vision on this topic, check out these resources:
Family Renewal: The Role of Children in the Meeting of the Church by Doug Philipps (a free downloadable sermon) – listen together with your spouse!
Children in the Meeting of the Ephesian Church by Scott Brown
Family Driven Faith by Voddie Baucham Jr. – A fantastic read on the importance of parents leading in training their children in the Word of God. Powerful! I would encourage every couple to read this book together!
Lindsay,
Thank you so much for this post! I have been dealing heavily with this very subject! I am the children’s church director at my church. This will be my 4th year serving in this position. Sometimes it is discouraging because I believe a majority of parents at our church view it as “daycare.” I am a firm believer that it is church. We sing, pray, take offering and have a Bible lesson (with a good old flannel storyboard from the 70′s!) and follow up worksheet and activities. Once children enter 4th grade, they go to service with their parents. I had 5 children move out of the children’s program this school year. All of the mothers, except one, have come back to ask if there was any way possible that their child could still attend. None of the children know how to sit still and listen when the pastor preaches ( half and hour to forty five minute sermons). The mothers say that they are too distracted by thier children and it ruins the worship hour for them. I have recomended Bible based doodle pads and the like. I am tired of hearing them complain about their kids. It is sad bcause they are not getting this training and now it seems that church as become a negative thing for the children and their parents. I have never attended any children’s ministry growing up. My parents taught me to respect the worship service. I grew up seeing my parents worship and learned all the old hymns. While, I think there are good children’s programs where kids can learn about God and the Bible, there does seem to be that disconnect with the rest of the church body. I am seriously considering printing this post for the bulletinboard at church. Thank you for your insights!
Well put – I appreciated your post. When our oldest was 4, we made the decision to keep our children in the service with us until right before the sermon. It was an adjustment for them (and us), but they soon began to participate in the songs and ask appropriate questions about the service – so many opportunities to teach them. As our oldest hits 1st or 2nd grade, we will probably have him start staying with us through the whole service. We attend a small church, and our church family is very supportive of our decision, even though they have a children’s church service for the children who come with the van ministry, through 4th grade. If only we had started earlier . . .our future children will likely begin staying with us from the time they enter our family.
This was beautifully written. My dh and I have gone through many stages of simply dropping them off like everyone did to having with us all the time. Now we feel we have found our balance. My little ones under 4 go to the nursery. My older ones 4 and over stay with us. We often send our 4 yod to his class but that doesn’t start until the service. We have learned that having him learn to stay with us during the singing part and then building up to staying the whole time helps a lot. It’s a rare occasion that we send our children to the classes offer during services and that usually only because we’re serving as teacher (our Sunday school offered works like a co-op. If you have children in any class you must serve some where.)
I was once in a church of a popular radio pastor. I had placed my infant in the nursery and went to sent down. She didn’t handle being dropped off well so went to get her. Knowing the “rules” of the church, I took her into the sanctuary (this was before the service started) to tell my dh we would be in the segregated, I mean, the over-flow room. While I was talking to my dh a very rude usher came over to remind me that I needed to take my baby out of there. I was very hurt and offended. That was beginning of our departure from that church and stint of about a year and a half of home church by ourselves.
I will never understand the churches attitude toward children. I think it’s very insightful for you to put together the possibilities of 88% leaving and the church turning children out. Kind of makes you think.
See we have family worship at home. We worship and have nightly Bible studies. Then on Sundays our children get to be w/other children. My children look forward to going to Sunday school, it’s their own time to be w/friends, and to make new ones. If they are ALWAYS in service w/the parents, how do they make new friends?
That seems to be a common issue people have said against including their children in church. I would just say that me and my siblings did not lack friends whether or not we went to Sunday school. First of all, our best friends became our siblings (which I believe to be the best!), because we were always together. Secondly, through hospitality, after church events (we usually have a shared meal, picnic, or go out with other families), we had plenty of interaction with other children. I think this gives the parents more control over who their children make friends with as well. Even some church children can be foolish influences upon the children. The Bible says, Walk with the wise and you will become wise, but a companion of fools suffers harm. Including our children in church is one way to assure our children are walking with the wise.
I have mixed opinions on this. I really like the way my church handles this. Children are very welcome in church services but we also have a thriving Sunday school program. My son went to church until he was 3 1/2 and then started Sunday school. I can say that he gets more out of Sunday school than he ever did out of church because of the age appropriate lessons. I love hearing about what he learns every week and discussing it as a family. He does occasionally choose to come to services instead of Sunday school but I leave that up to him. I really love that my church is accepting of children in the services but also provides a way for them to learn in more child centered way.
Thank you for this wonderful post. This also has been on my mind lately as our other family members have their children sit with them in the main service and we send ours to the nursery. We have twins, almost 3 yrs old, and I’ve been wanting to keep them in church with us but they are very rambunctious! I can’t wait for tomorrow’s post as I will need all the idea’s I can get! I plan on bringing them with us in the main service this Sunday…this was just the final push I needed.
Bravo!
Also, see: http://www.amazon.com/Parenting-Pew-Guiding-Children-Worship/dp/0830823409
I really appreciate the heart of what you are saying. You want your kids to have a shared worship experience with you. You want your kids to see the community of God worshipping and appreciating His Word. Frankly, I do too.
I don’t want my kids in the service with me. It’s boring for them (8 yrs and 6 yrs). I think that it takes an extremely gifted communicator to captivate an audience of 6 year olds to 96 year olds on a consistent basis. And I don’t want my kids to think that worshipping God is boring.
It would be great to gather together in a multi-generational way to worship our King. But the modern one hour service with a 30 minute speech isn’t really a shared worship experience for my kids. If a congregation wants to keep children in the service, they really need to think about that when they plan services. If we want to let kids know that church is for them too, there should be meaningful things weaved into the singing, testimonies, sermon (and whatever other elements your church may have) that reflect a child’s heart, mind and soul.
*I’m writing as a dad trying to figure things out. I don’t have the answers…but have wrestled with this topic for quite some time. Thank you very much for sharing your thoughts on the matter. I hope that the shared experience with your children in service is a blessing to your entire family!
But don’t you think it is only boring if we make it so? Or I wonder if boring is necessarily a bad thing? I remember growing up it was boring at times, but it made far more of an impact on my faith being with my parents that going to Sunday school and watching puppet shows. I think it was my parents perseverance and conviction that eventually paid off. Worshiping was not boring for my parents, so why should it be for me? I have experienced both Sunday school and being in church, and I can definitely testify that being with my parents taught me to love the Lord far more than my Sunday school experiences. I wonder if it is possible also to be reformers in this area in your church? You have some great suggestions…can you make a difference by leading in this way in your body?
Hey again Lindsay. In principle I really agree that having families together to worship is a blessing. For me it begs the bigger question of the modern American Sunday morning service. Is the template that we have generally accepted (1 hour – Announcements, Singing “aka worship”, Offering – special number optional, 30-45 minute rhetorical sermon/persuasive speech) a really excellent model for modeling authentic faith and passing it on to the next generation. I don’t think it is. In fact, I would argue that based on the statistics that get pulled in year after year, the current model isn’t really all that effective for life transformation in adults. (I know that I’m painting all churches into the same mold which isn’t fair. However, I have attended my fair share of churches in the past 22 years and can say that they all prescribed to the model that I described)
We have chosen to homeschool our kids for a lot of reasons. Being able to worship as a family is one of those reasons. Another is because we think that there are better ways to teach children than what we see in the public school systems around us. Homeschooling gives us the ability to think critically and creatively about educating our children. I would argue that same kind of critical thinking and creativity needs to be applied to our modern services if we want it to have real value for our kids. Until we’re ready to give that kind of thought to service planning I think church meetings have very little value for my kids.
I’m reading a book by Francis Chan titled, “The Forgotten God”. It’s a book about the Holy Spirit and it is so convicting! I love the way he thinks and writes. Deep truths but very accessible. Anyway he said something like:
“Imagine you grew up on a deserted Island with just a Bible. For years you read the Scriptures over and over. One day you were rescued and got to go to your first church service. Imagine walking into the average American church. Would it be like you expected?”
For me the answer is “no”. It’s not what I would expect. I’ve been to Bible College. I have a degree in Church Ministry. I’ve gone to a few seminaries when money was available. I’ve been an associate pastor for the past ten years. I’m not convinced that the version of “church worship” that we’ve accepted is the best, or even very good for that matter.
WOW! I didn’t mean to write that much! You asked me about being reformers from within our areas of influence. I think that we need to. It’s easy if you plant a church with this ethos. It’s a little more challenging in a small church. Trying to change a medium to large sized church is an enormous task.
I could not agree more. I belong to the Orthodox Church of America, and there is no other option but to have the children in the services. For me, they add so much joy and really bring out the true meaning of worship.
I’m not sure where I stand on this issue. I love the idea of worshiping as a family. Unfortunately it usually doesn’t happen. My husband is youth pastor of a church and the longer we do this we do see some problems with separating everyone. As Lindsey mentioned the statistics are not good for kids coming out of youth group. Most of them leave the church. They are entertained for so long that it is hard for them to ever be a part of the church as a whole.
On the other hand, we have 4 kids 8 and under. Our church has the kids over 3 in the service for the first half and then the 4 and 5 year olds are dismissed. My 3 year old refuses to go into the preschool class and I don’t like leaving my infant unless she is sleeping but then that leaves me with 4 kids that can’t understand much from the service. I feel like in order to keep them quiet they are doing coloring pages or reading books which only teaches them that church is boring and they can entertain themselves in other ways. But as a kid I remember having to sit in church and not understanding what was going on and saying to myself that I was never going to make my children go to church.
In an ideal world I think church would be a family affair, but the way church is run it is not at all kid friendly. We have been doing a lot of reading lately on church and the traditions and even the way we run our services and they are nothing like what the early church looked like. I would love to see a movement toward more of a New Testament church! I think if the Holy Spirit was more alive and active in our daily lives and in our churches and we weren’t so stuck in the traditional 1 hour service times that inlcluded the standard announcements, singing, preaching etc. then we would have a place where all ages could come and truly worship and grow! That is what I long for!
Thank you for this thought provoking post!
I grew up in a non-denominational church that did have children in church. I am sad to say that I have no doubt that when I got to high school I found church to be so boring. Where were the games, the felt stories, the candy, the art projects, etc. Today, my husband and I attend a very conservative Luthern church (WELS not ELCA) and they strongly believe that children should be present in the church service in the main sanctuary. We have over 100 children in there from babies to 18 year olds. They are the most well behaved children I have ever seen. There are times when I cry goes out, or a little one isn’t obeying mom or dad, but it is during these times that we are reminded that God blesses us with children. I am honored to be attending a church that believes teaching and training begins in the sanctuary. I get tears in my eyes when I see the reverence these little ones are learning, and the appreciation they have for Lord and His house.
I’m right there with you on this! I’ll look forward to the next part of the series. We house church, and have no child care option, which is fine with us. But as our son gets older, I struggle with knowing how much to make him sit still and be quiet. Right now he plays on the floor somewhere in the room with us while we study the word and sing, and then we make him sit quietly for prayer. . . .
Hello, this felt book for little ones might be of some help for keeping them quieter http://www.lovetolearn.net/catalog/index.lasso?page=hits&q=quiet+book
For those who don’t know, this is a homeschool online catalog – great products. This particular book is a felt book with stories from the Bible!
Hope it helps someone!
Kim
I agree wholeheartedly with the idea of having kids in the service. I am thankful our church welcomes kids to be in the service and I believe a lot of it has to do with how the pastor views kids. Both our previous pastor and the one we have now have said that they would rather have kids be a little noisy in church and that they can talk over the noise rather than having no kids at all and silence. My husband and I sit in the back row at our church so that our kids won’t be a distraction to others. It is hard sometimes especially when they are little. I’m looking forward to the next part of this article as well.
Once my three sisters and I were about two years old, my parents had us sit with them through the service. This was not the norm in our church, at least at that young of an age. We were not given toys or other means of entertainment. We were expected to keep ourselves quietly occupied, listen, and participate. As we got older, my parents gave us little notebooks to take sermon notes. The discipline I learned at such a young age of paying close attention, sitting still, and gleaning important thoughts from what was being taught continues to reap benefits for me today.
One of the aspects of this training that shaped me the most, I think, is the fact that I was exposed to teaching “above my level” early on. A little older, I ended up joining my parents in their adult classes during Sunday school hour, merely because that was the level of spiritual food I was accustomed to -had been trained to hunger for, and understand (or at least grow into an understanding)!
That aspect of my childhood, being pushed and stretched beyond my years, has left a lasting spiritual impact. Please God, I hope to do the same for my children some day.
Great post! I really appreciate your honesty and applicable subject matter. Children’s Church is the norm at our church, but fortunately those around us have always been understanding when our little ones get restless. Consistency is the key!
I love this post! My husband and I both believe that children belong in church for the exact reasons you stated. We just recently moved from TX to MT and are having a hard time finding a church home. This is one of the reasons, plus the fact that we just really want a church oriented around building up families-with great children’s classes that aren’t just snack time and coloring, a great women’s ministry with awesome Bible Studies and godly women and a men’s ministry that build men up with godly men. We’ve visited plenty of churches and have yet to find one that feels like “home”, where our entire family feels welcome. We left an awesome church and are oping to find one like it here. But, I definitely agree with your post and it’s nice to hear someone else (plus lots of others) say the things I feel.
Great post! I totally agree that children should be in church as much as possible. Our church has a ‘break open the word’ for kids from about age 5 on. They leave right before the sermon for about 15 minutes to discuss the sermon in ‘kid’ language with an adult volunteer. I think it’s the best of both worlds. They go into a room with chairs – that’s it- no toys, snacks, etc. They learn why we go to church, how to sit and listen but they get a little break which they often need. Just about every Sunday and older person will comment on how nice it is to see children in church.
Thank you for sharing this Lindsey…I will definatly have to think about it more!
Personally, I LOVE that our children are not with us in church. I know that sounds selfish, but I cherish the time that me and my husband can worship with no distractions…even hold hands!!
I am at home all day everyday homeschooling 4 VERY, VERY active children under the age of 6.
It has been some of the most cherished times for me and my husband and we both always come away feeling so refreshed to take on our roles as parents raising our children.
That brief retreat from our kids once a week has been just what we need.
I love that others worship God in many different ways, but I feel so blessed for all the moms who rotate with me to share taking care of the children.
I am also thankful for the quality programs that our childrens area has planned. My kids love going to church and get SO excited to go…I am thankful that they are not thinking of church as long, boring, and unrelivant to them-it is meeting them right where they are.
Thank you for sharing your passion…I just wanted to share some of the wonderful benefits and amazing blessings of doing things differently!
Hope you are doing well with that new little blessing!! (More pics soon? They are so adorable!!) Have a wonderful day!
Thank you for posting about this! I love the options our church provides. We have classes and a nursery if you wish to utilize them but also many people keep their children with them. I would never attend a church where my children were not welcome in service. My 3 1/2 year old son has the option each Sunday either sit with us or go to his class. He normally goes to his class but at times chooses to sit with us and it is fine either way. But I also know and trust the people who are teaching my children at my small church!
Thanks so much for this post! I am looking forward to the next part as well. It is very relevant for us right now with a 21 month old. I love to have her with me at church, especially for worship. It brings me such joy to worship with her and to see her clapping and raising her hands to the Lord as she sees us doing. However, I do feel a little pressure as most of the other children do not remain with their parents. She is certainly welcome in the service, it just doesn’t seem that it is what most people choose to do. So any wisdom on training her to sit quietly with us would be greatly appreciated. Thanks again!
This is wonderful, Lindsay! We are attending a family integrated church where there are no programs for children so our children are learning along side us. We have four kids from ages 1 through 9 and the younger two require *much* reminding and encouraging to sit quietly. We bring little books and pads of paper for them to doodle on, and although they’re not getting anything from a Sunday School setting, they are watching us worship, take notes and take communion. I think God will bless that for his glory! It’s challenging but worth it.
Thank you for this informative post! My husband and I have been struggling with the guilt of sending our baby to the nursery for some time now (the 5 year old sits with us or attends Sunday school–VERY good, Scripturally sound programing at our church, rare I know!). Although I feel the nursery workers are wonderfull, caring people, I still think it is better that he come to worship with us. You pretty much made my mind up with this post, and I can’t wait for the hubby to come home from work so I can share it with him! Thanks again; you don’t know how you have blessed me today!
Thank you so much for this post! We have just recently (like 2 weeks ago) started to do this! We have a two year old, and we used to drive 50 minutes away for church because it was the only one we could find with an infant room. She got too old for the room, and the drive was just too much. I honestly felt like a failure because my daughter didn’t like to be in the childcare with people she had never seen before, and I didn’t understand why it seemed like I was the only one who had this problem. We finally decided to try taking her in the service and she did surprisingly well! When I saw her there I realized how beneficial it will be for her to attend the adult services with us, and I got really excited that we can all go to church together again. The other people in the service were very nice about her being there, but I did notice that she seemed to be the only child in the room. I am so excited to read tomorrow’s post!
I’m not a mother, so I’m no expert by any means, but I do serve with my husband in the children’s ministry at our church. I believe this to be an incredibly strong ministry with consistent training for leaders, accountability, safety in every standard, and most importantly: Christ centered, in which the goal is to help children meet Jesus and become more like him.
We hope that the parents are the primary role models of following Jesus, and we are on their team, but not all children who are a part of the childrens ministry have Christ following parents. I agree with so much about your post: modeling to your children, spending quality time together, instilling patience. I just think there is a happy medium, but God’s plans could be different for different families. I guess I’m just saying maybe this isn’t quite black and white. Even with the two year olds, we are opening the Bible and reading a passage in a small group every week, participating in activities that help the children understand and apply the message, we worship with the kids, and they learn to play cooperatively with other children. We also use hand sanitizer before children enter the room-probably not the most natural option, but it helps to keep those germs at bay. Also, the toys are washed on a consistent basis.
I don’t mean to argue or anything, I just am a supporter of our church’s ministry, but deeply agree with the importance of worshiping and learning with the family as well.
Lauren, obviously we are shooting for the ideal. I do believe it is God’s plan for Moms and Dads to keep their children’s hearts, and be their primary guides in walking God’s path. I know we don’t live in an ideal world, and many children do not have Godly parents, and maybe their parents do not even go to church. And while I believe we’ve got it WRONG “targeting” the kids, thinking we’ll draw the parents in to church, I do appreciate children’s ministers, like yourself, who are taking your role seriously and doing a great job. In many churches (including mine!) children’s church workers do not partner with parents, and even are instructed not to tell parents when their children have misbehaved in children’s church. Sometimes parents are not even allowed to go upstairs to their children’s classroom. So it is refreshing to hear that when it comes to parents, you are “on their team.” God bless you.
Shannon
Great words, Lindsey! We are planning on starting to keep our 15 month old with us for many of the reasons you stated (as well as keeping her away from the germs of the nursery). It is definitely a challenge when we keep her with us and we tend to take turns each week if we need to step out of church with her and try to listen to the podcast later – but I do think it is completely worth it! Thankfully we have a very kid-friendly church that encourages kids of all ages to stay with their parents. It brings such joy to my heart when I hear moms shushing their infants to sleep, toddlers giggling and see families worshipping together – it truly feels like God’s family!
This really hits home to me this week as I was recently informed that my 6 month old baby (nursing exclusively) was not welcomed at an upcoming wedding we would be attending. My husband and I have been friends with the groom since middle school and my husband is a groomsman. When I heard this, I would shocked and very hurt. You see, we go to a Church that loves and welcome the chaos that comes with having kids in the service. They bring life and energy to the service and we always celebrate that life! In terms of a wedding ceremony, it is frightening to me why I a couple would reject children from their ceremony, when often times children are the fruit of marriage!
I really appreciate your thoughts on this subject and look forward to seeing what others have to say. Thanks!
Shared experiences – that is one reason we want our child in the sanctuary. I can’t ask him probing questions about his lesson if I didn’t hear it. When we’re all together, we can talk about it – throughout the week.
When I asked a wise woman (mother of 7!), “How do you get your children to sit so still?” She said, “We practice at home. We listen to sermons on tape. (There are consequences for lack of self control, at home). Once the littles have practiced enough self control to show they can sit still, then we let them play blocks (or other quiet toy) in the floor. But, at church we do not bring toys. They are expected to be still and listen.” And they do!
At my church, the children (probably preschool-6th grade) begin the service with the adults. Partway through, they are dismissed to “Little Disciples” where they have their own children’s service. The last Sunday of the month, the children are not dismissed; they stay in the adult service. There used to be a similar setup for 7th-8th grade age, but I’m not sure if that’s still in place. After you reach high school age, you remain with the adults for the duration. Children younger than preschool are divided up in age groups and there is a nursery group for each. Depending on the ages, I believe the nursery workers attempt to do biblical teachings during this time. (Our church also has Sunday School, which is a separate time from the services I’m discussing.)
There are parents who chose to keep their children in the service every Sunday, every week. I have to admit, I’ve always felt sorry for the kids that remained in the room. I feel that children are able to make wonderful, christian friends through these different classes in church. When they are to stay in the service with their parents, they are not given this chance. (Not to mention they get to see all the other kids their age excitedly going to or coming from the children’s service. I have always wondered if those kids wonder why they aren’t allowed to go have fun with the other kids; why do they have to stay with the adults?)
Even at nursery age, I remember having to interact with the other children, learning how to share, etc. Yes, there are germs, but I think the social growth children can take in… as well as the immunity to those germs, is extremely important.
I also see all the points listed above. I understand the importance of allowing your children to see you worship and learning to sit quiet and still during these types of situations. However, when seeing the children in my own service, I see that in most cases the only way to make them stay quiet and still is by giving them toys, coloring books, etc. and by keeping a steady flow of Cheerios going. I’m not really sure if this really teaching them to listen and take in the service, or if it teaches them that when in the service you must keep your mouth shut and sit like a statue.
I’m not saying either way is right or wrong. I suppose it’s just a difference from parent to parent. Hopefully each parent knows what’s best for their own child.
That seems to be a common issue people have said against including their children in church -the lack of making friends. I would just say that me and my siblings did not lack friends whether or not we went to Sunday school. First of all, our best friends became our siblings (which I believe to be the best! Sharing was learned among our siblings), because we were always together. Secondly, through hospitality, after church events (we usually have a shared meal, picnic, or go out with other families), we had plenty of interaction with other children. I think this gives the parents more control over who their children make friends with as well. Even some church children can be foolish influences upon the children. The Bible says, Walk with the wise and you will become wise, but a companion of fools suffers harm. Including our children in church is one way to assure our children are walking with the wise.
Great post! I grew up in a church where kids were given total freedom – I can remember playing in the aisles with other kids or sitting at my parents feet during the service playing with dolls. Our minister knew that children are sponges and even if they aren’t sitting quietly listening, the word of God never returns void. He knew that our subconcious was picking everything up. He would often quote Jesus saying “suffer the little children to come unto me and forbid them not, for of such is the kingdom of God”. Twenty years later, it’s amazing to see how many of my generation are attending the same church, now with kids of own. It’s not a quiet place – the kids can get loud and babies cry, and each parent deals with their own children as they see fit. Our body has gotten used to “suffering the little children” (putting up with their noise, their outbursts, etc) and it’s become a beautiful part of our church culture. I love the freedom – I love that the kids are treated as equals – and I love worshipping Jesus as a family.
Thanks for sharing Lindsay! I can’t pay attention to the sermon, because I’m so busy trying to keep them quiet, so as to not distract anyone else.
I like to sit between them and my husband, since he is the leader of our home, I feel it more important for him to get ‘fed’ than myself, but I get so exasperated sometimes I often wonder why I even bother to go to church at all.
Our church does offer a lovely nursery, but our 14 month old just won’t go. It absolutely terrifies her to be away from her family.
Anyhow, I found your post very encouragin!
thank you!
And by “them” … I mean my precious little gifts from God!!
This has been the big debate at our church lately–typically, the children stay for most of the service, then during the message, have the option to go to the nursery. Recently, a family decided to keep their young child in church during the sermon, and an elderly couple sitting in front of them asked them to leave because their child was being “too loud”. Really, he was being quite well-behaved for a two year old, though he would occasionally whisper questions to his mom.
When the pastor got word of this, he was absolutely furious, and sent out a letter to all the church members essentially telling them that they have three options: 1-sit in the front row, in order to be less likely to be disturbed, 2-if a child is too loud, say a silent prayer of thanksgiving for the youth within the church and ask for patience during their outburst, or 3-find a different church to attend.
Anyway, I think my point is that one of the reasons children aren’t kept in church more often, is that it can be completely overwhelming as a parent to keep “busy” children absolutely silent during the sermon. Even when they’re being “quiet” by our standards, sometimes they aren’t quiet enough for the standards of others. It’s absolutely a good training tool, but in the meantime, parents do often have to put up with quite a few snide comments. I would love to see churches be more supportive of allowing parents to keep their children with them during services!
by the way…another good resource is the book “Parenting in the Pew,” by Robbie Castleman. And John Piper wrote an article on this topic as well, you can read it at: http://www.desiringgod.org/ResourceLibrary/Articles/ByDate/1995/1560_The_Family_Together_in_Gods_Presence/
I agree wholeheartedly. We started this journey over a year ago, after reading Voddie Baucham’s Family Driven Faith. It has been a huge switch for us, b/c my husband and I were in youth ministry for years (it was actually the focus of my undergrad degree) and now our views of church ministry have changed drastically.
As an encouragement to parents of young ones, training little ones to sit in church is hard, especially if they’ve grown accustomed to having cheerios and juice and playtime in the nursery, like our 3-year-old was enjoying. But persevere. It is worth the effort.
Amen, amen, amen!!! I agree wholeheartedly, and wish the leadership at our church did, too. I struggle with maintaining my own convictions while also submitting to our church leadership. For now, I worship in the nursing room or the lobby for most of the service. It’s encouraging to hear about others who share my own thoughts!
Lindsay,
This really does work! We’ve kept our five children (now age 4-12) in church with us since they were newborns. In the beginning, it was a lot of work. I spent many a service pacing the back of the church with a sleepy baby (in a church where this was definitely not the norm). Now, we can take our children to church without fear; they sit quietly and really listen.
I would urge mothers to be consistent. If my children thought that being noisy would get them some play time, they would do it more. It also helped so much that we had a quiet, sit-down time at home.
Thanks you, Lindsay, for your work on this site. You have encouraged and educated me. God bless, CW
Wow! I’ve never seen a post anywhere like this. We also keep our children with us for worship, and as a congregation, have elected not to provide “babysitting”. Everyone is very understanding that those of us with littles are doing our best to train them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord, and part of this is preparing them to be active members of the Church for their whole lives.
My girls are 30 mo. and 15 mo. old, and though their behavior is not always “perfect”, this is what they have known from the time they were each less than a week old. They are growing up loving and being loved by a family of Christians that extends beyond our physical family, and they are surrounded constantly by examples of how to worship and love the Lord- such an amazing blessing!
Loved, loved this post! My husband is a pastor of a church plant, and we sometimes keep our two year old daughter out with me. When I am on the nursery schedule, she comes in to “help” with the younger babies, which is preparing her for our baby to be born in April. I have been impressed with her ability to sit and listen, and I enjoy having her out there with me.
Can’t wait for part 2!
Thanks for the encouragement. We have our children sitting with us during worship. At times, it is difficult however when we are on our way home it’s neat to hear the kids bring up a point that was stated in the sermon. We think they are not paying attention but it is amazing on what they pick up. I want my children to see mom and dad worshiping the Lord, that it is not just a grown-up thing to do but it is a family time to come together with the body of Christ. I can’t wait to read the suggestions for training the kids to sit quietly! Thanks again for taking time to encouraging the ladies with the Lord has gifted you with!
great post! my husband and i were just talking about this the other day after we were “kindly requested” by an attendant to leave the service of a church we were visiting because our 2 year old was squirming. we noticed then that there were no kids under the age of 18 in the service – they were all in their own little classes/services.
our own church encourages the whole family to worship together and i have always appreciated it. as a college student it was a terrific learning experience to watch families teach their kids to worship. now as a mother of 2 young ones i am always encouraged by veteran moms (and dads) who come up to me after church (especially on sundays where behavior was challenging) and share their experiences and insight with me as well as encourage me to keep it up.
i believe strongly that children are also members of the body of christ and should have a place in corporate worship. it is beautiful to watch little ones sing songs in worship, participate in corporate prayer and even learn to listen to catch what they can of the sermon.
We were asked to take our 2 year old out of our regular service a few months ago. I was so hurt. Honestly, I probably should have taken her out sooner – I just felt like she was on the verge of settling down. I want my kids in church with us but I feel like they should be 100% perfect in order not to distract the other members of the congregation. It is an emotional challenge for me right now. I’m really glad you shared and that this blog is opening the door to the issue.
Wonderful post! I am one of just a handful in a Mega Christian Church who take my children to adult worship. I have received resistance in the past…but as I have persevered in this area I have received lots of positive feedback about how well behaved my children are. (We sit very close to the front.)
A lot of my friends do not understand why I don’t take advantage of children’s services…but I have learned to speak my mind once and just smile and nod after that. If they don’t understand…well… that is their business. I won’t take it personally.
Over a year after I started taking the kids to worship our lead Pastor actually addressed this idea of “Family Worship” on his blog and how he is not all together comfortable with splitting everyone from birth through Senior Citizens into ‘groups’…and offering multiple worship styles in multiple services. He thought it only served to separate us more instead of bring us together as the body of Christ. I felt at that moment like I was exactly where I was supposed to be doing exactly what I was supposed to do. It was a very loving and affirming feeling that came to me…it felt like a hug from God and an encouragement to ‘keep it up’.
Thank you for writing this! I will be sharing this with my husband. He is preaching on this very topic THIS Sunday! We are praying, but do expect to get some negative feedback from this, but we do believe it is Biblical for families to train and teach their children, and to worship TOGETHER.
Our children are 8,6,and 4. They are all in the service with us.
We started doing this when our oldest was about 4, and I wish we would have started sooner, but I didn’t know any better, and honestly, I was selfish.
Thanks again for writing. I look forward to the next post.
I totally agree on this issue, and there is a great section at the back of Noel Piper’s “Treasuring God in our Traditions” that she and her husband wrote, called “The Family: Together in God’s Presence” that is excellent as well (the whole book is excellent, but that section pertains to this discussion).
We were in a megachurch where all ages were segregated and my husband was the pastor to young adults/college students. When our daughter turned 4, we decided to start bringing her into the service. I quickly realized what a disservice we were doing to ALL of our children in seeing Honor awaken to so many spiritual realities she never experienced in childcare. She was asking me, “Mom, why is my dad putting that person in water?” She had NEVER seen a baptism! I couldn’t believe I’d never even thought of that. She also had never been part of taking an offering. Talk about dropping the ball in teaching our kids. Now that we are planting a church in the urban core of our city, we see childcare in a very different light. We offer childcare up to age 5 right now, and I think we’ll be taking breaks from all childcare during Advent and part of the summer to give workers a much needed break, and allow families to worship together. It also gives our church body an opportunity to serve each other by offering to hold someone else’s baby during service if you can tell she might need a break.
So glad you posted on this! As you can tell, it’s something I’ve been thinking about a lot lately and am passionate about!
As a mother of an active 18 mo old and one on the way, I would LOVE tips on how to best train little ones to sit with us in church.
Our church splits it-we have 3 hours of meetings, and we are all together for the main meeting. After, the kiddos go to the other two meetings with their peer group. I like it this way because we get to be together as a family, and the kids learn the benefit of sitting still for a while and hearing the Word of God, and then they can be edified by hearing the Lord’s ministry for them personally–in my view, religion applies to everyone, no matter what age, but little ears need to hear it laid out in way they can understand. Since we don’t have a children’s ministry during the main meeting, they have their own time to learn with songs, stories, etc–things that aren’t appropriate for adults, but they love. Just my view, but I am so glad you have a church that welcomes children to worship…so many don’t!!!
Love your blog by the way!
Although we use the Sunday School for our children at our current church, we left our old church for the reasons you listed above. When my oldest was little, we would bring her into church. Every week, I would be told where we should sit and that they have nursery care available. My parents still attend that church and I hear every week about how children are being brought into church and it is so distracting. Good for you for standing up to your beliefs. I agree that is the only great way for them to be trained and enjoy sitting in church.
Excellent post. I agree wholeheartedly. We used to go to a church where the children were quickly ushered into their own classrooms. The theory was that they should be taught “at their level”. As we were blessed by more children my husband and I both got convicted about separating the family and we searched high and low for a church that welcomed children into the service.(More difficult then it seems) We finally found one and they don’t even offer childrens classes. All children are in the service. They have a Mother’s room where a Mom can go to nurse or take a young child that might be misbehaving.
We train our children at home to sit quietly by having small bible studies. They learn to sit and be quiet. Then when we actually go to church they are more prepared for that type of setting.
Good for you for addressing this and know that I back you up 100%.
Blessings to you and yours.
Kim
My husband was out of town on Sunday and I was the cantor for a small part of the mass. I was surprised at how the other musicians worried about my kids being alone in the pew for that few minutes. We have always tried to keep our kids with us during our services, but I can say it has not been easy. We have a cry room, but we don’t use it, as loud as it is in there you might as well not be in church. Now our kids 11, 6, 4, and 2 can sit through an hour of church easily, most Sundays. It helps knowing we will be having a big breakfast after it is all done!
I agree wholehearted with you and the others you quoted. At our church there isn’t another option. All children worship with their parents. After that we have Sunday School. Just like everyone else has said, it is a time of teaching and learning. Children learn to be quite and patient, as well as the parents.
And even when we don’t think they are paying attention they are picking things up. We come home form church and they will make a comment about what was talked about in service.
I think you have a very good point about adults walking away from church as an older teen. They have never been taught to how to worship. They haven’t learned enough to carry them through the tough times of college and the peer pressure that goes along with that time. They also never really have the opportunity to gain faith.
I have been thinking a lot about this topic lately. We are helping to plant a church in Hungary. We currently have about 15 adults and about 7 children under the age of 9 (most are between 1 1/2 and 6). I like the idea of having kids in church, but have also experienced the chaos and stress of having these kids coming in and out of our services and meeting times. I know much of this depends on HOW we raise our children. I am looking forward to the next post about teaching children to sit still, be respectful, etc.
We will be starting home groups soon and we have been debating about having our children in the group with us (I love the idea of this). At the same time, so many of the Moms are exhausted (most women here work full time in order to help provide financially) and the break from the kids is often welcomed.
This is a really interesting idea! I love it as a concept, but I have lots of questions about how it really looks practically.
Where in Hungary?
I love this. We’re going to a church now that keeps little children in the service for the first half, then they go downstaris during the sermon. That first half was real hard for my three year old at first, but he’s excellent now. After the age of five, the kids stay in the service for the whole thing. There is never a problem with poorly behaved children.