In conclusion to this chapter and discussion, I just wanted to say that the overall point and focus of our study on this book is to learn how we can be influencer’s for good in our culture whether from home or abroad. Tia, to assume that as a stay at home I can accomplish nothing is far from the truth. Homebuilding is a full-time ministry! My children are the greatest instruments I have the opportunity of training in the truth to go forth and be lights in the darkness of our world! They are souls that need time and energy to invest in their eternal future! Personally, I have decided I can do the best job at this task from staying at home with them.

Secondly, there are many opportunities I enjoy blessing others from my home, such as home-made meals to a needy family, notes of encouragement to someone who is struggling, prayer, reaching out to our neighbors, hospitality and service. My husband and I have been working to further a vision for missions within our church, and a lot of the administrative work I complete at home. Bringing my children alongside me in the future to do these activities can cause a huge impact for the gospel. I believe as a stay at home mom, I have more opportunity and freedom to do these things. I just couldn’t juggle it with working outside my home…

As a believer, I have a passion to serve the Lord, my husband, children, and the world! I want to be a light. Making my home a haven for my husband and family (clean, comforting, homey, a place of refuge), serving our family nutritious food to the best of my abilities (so we can remain strong and healthy to accomplish the work of the Lord), and to welcome in others into this haven through hospitality is a great ministry and takes time and energy. If you can do these things while working outside the home, more power to you!

It is important to be in submission to your husband, and I am glad to hear that you ladies (Tia & Elizabeth) are in agreement about your decision. My husband wishes for me to maintain our home and invest my skills here and extend them in ministry from here. I want to walk according to his vision for our family.

Thank you everyone for sharing! I appreciate and am learning from all these different ideas and viewpoints. Be blessed in the Lord! Let’s us move on together in the unity of the Lord.

I would encourage all you ladies, once again, if you haven’t already, to pick up the book and study along with us and participate in further discussion in upcoming weeks!

After reading the comments of the last few days, I felt compelled to write. Please don’t think that what you are saying is “falling on deaf ears.” I know Lindsay and many of the women commenting personally…and they are simply women who love the Lord and their families and are seeking to learn how to serve them better. No one intends to insult you or make you feel that you are wrong. Remember, a woman’s blog is intended to reflect her heart…and that’s what this blog does.

Before I go on, I do want to say that I recognize the work of the enemy of God and our souls. We all know that he does his best work among God’s children when he can keep us at odds with one another. And we (I) fall prey so easily to getting offended (or offending) and feeling judged (or judging). Elizabeth and Rachel, I know you must feel out-numbered, but please know that we (and I’m sure I can speak for the ladies I know here in this discussion) do not think any less of you because you have different opinions or make different choices than we do. We are simply wanting to grow, by reading a good book and sharing our thoughts.

As women, as wives and mothers, we are faced with many choices that we have to make…many times in our lives. Let me explain.

I am a woman who has had many different seasons. I married when I was 16 years old. My only son was born just after I turned 19, and my husband died 9 months later. I found myself a widow and a single mother at the age of 20.

I worked before and after my son was born, although it was very part-time after his birth. When my husband died, I thought I might die. I didn’t want to face the rest of my life alone and I was afraid of what more bad things life might bring me. My faith was not strong at that time, although I clung to God and He was so faithful to me. I knew though, that the little life that was entrusted to me, needed me. He needed me to not just be okay, but to do my best to raise him in a home that had no father. Now, I know that this is pretty common in our world, and people don’t think too much about it anymore….but let me tell you from one who has experienced it….the void is ALWAYS there (even today, 27 years later), and the hardship, pain and loss of a boy’s father (and a woman’s husband)is a reality that must be lived with day after day and year after year. Throughout those years, I was constantly having to make choices, figure out what was right…no…what was BEST for us, for my son. I learned back then that choices aren’t always just good or bad…there can be good choices, better ones, and BEST. I wanted to choose the best.

The reason I am telling you all of this is because both of you made some very good points. I did need to provide support for us. I was no longer able to depend on my husband’s financial provision. I did not always do everything right, and I stumbled and struggled and got up and started over and sought God’s direction again and again. In the interest of not writing a book-length comment (smile), I won’t go into all the details…but I will highlight a few of the major decisions that I made that had an impact on specific choices that I made at the time, and on our life then and now. You know what they say….”hindsight is 20/20”

First of all, I chose to homeschool my son. I knew that this was the best choice for him, academically and in every other way. This was re-evaluated several times, but remained an important life choice.

Although I intended to take college courses to enable me to get a better-paying job in which to provide for us, God showed me that the school time and subsequent career would require a great deal of time…time sacrificed from my son. I recall hearing something James Dobson said back then…I don’t remember if it was a quote from a book, magazine, or from his radio show, but it went something like this: “It is better to experience a lower standard of living in order to devote your time and attention to your family, knowing that God has promised to provide for your needs; than to sacrifice the truly important things in life in order to provide your family a higher standard of living.” Or, in the words of Jim Elliot, the missionary who died in Ecuador, “He is no fool who gives what he cannot keep to gain that which he cannot lose.” Although he was speaking of spiritual things, I believe the concept holds true for investment in family as well.

Those words had the ring of truth in them for me, and I knew that if I did my best to be obedient to what God was calling me to, I could trust Him. I admit, it was scary…I worried if I was making the right choices, would my son resent the choices I made due to our lack of things and money? And I worried if I was hearing God right. I knew this though….if I made the choice to work full-time outside the home or go to school, I would miss years and opportunities with my son. His growing-up years only happened once and I could never retrieve them if I gave them up. School and career, on the other hand, could be pursued when he was grown and on his own…and I would probably never regret that choice.

As a result, when my son turned 13, I closed my business and renewed my commitment to homeschool him through high school. I began tutoring in my home to make extra money, and God blessed me tremendously. At one time, I was earning over $1,000 a month while being home and available to my son and the priorities of our family.

There were many “watershed” moments over the years that space does not allow for now, but what I want to get across from my story, is that whatever happens in this life, God is faithful to you. We do not need to fear our future (i.e. if husband dies, leaves, etc.). In my case, I even feared that if I DIDN’T go to school and establish a career then, that it would be too late for me when I was near 40. Not true…that’s another story of God’s incredible faithfulness and provision.

When all is said and done, all that really matters is our relationships. The money we make, the name we establish for ourselves, the success or accomplishments we achieve…it all FADES in comparison to the investments we make in our families.

I am SO THANKFUL that I made the choices that I did. I see the fruit in my son. I have no regrets that I invested my time and energy in him rather than career. I can do that now…and have.

Ladies, if you choose to pursue a career and to work outside the home, we do not pass judgement on you. We are looking at our own lives and our own families, and want to change the INNER woman…for we know that when we line up on the inside with what God intends, everything else will fall into place. That’s what this book and blog are all about…serving God and the people we love better and better in our homes.

Please don’t let yourself get caught up in the outworking of all that….concentrate on adorning yourself with the inner jewels that God desires. THAT’S what we all want….that’s what I want. Whether you choose to work outside your home is between you, God and your husband. I will not spend a thought judging you on that…I just want to love you in the Lord and hear your thoughts. But…please don’t harshly judge us either. I’ve been in both places…and I know God is faithful to lead EACH of us in the way we should go.

I do hope you have read through my thoughts to the end, and I hope you can sense the love of God here, for Jesus Himself asked His Father that we would be able to show the world that we are His disciples…His true women by the love we have for one another. Blessings to you!

I’m a working mom too! I work outside the home. And I’m not worried or doing it because I’m scared my husband will divorce me. I do it because it fills a need to actually work!

Lindsay, you can’t imagine working outside the home (i’m guessing) and I can’t imagine sitting home and being a homemaker and mom. I like bring home a NICE paycheck, as does my husband. I like knowing I can pay my bills, and have savings. God calls us to be good stewards of our money. That includes, putting money aside.

A two income family is needed in our area for a nice home the in a good area. I’m not going to live in an apartment or whatever, I want a single family home.

Not everyone is called to stay home. Our gifts and talents can be used outside the home. How can we reach the lost and hurting if we are sitting at home and working? And if we only deal w/christians who are we really helping?

I’m tired of seeing people wanting to live in a bubble, because of the world. The world isn’t going to change for the better, if we all sit at home.

I want to be clear that I am not at all calling these women simple-minded. And when I said that there was a “narrow” view of what a true woman is, I was only referring to the fact that there seems to be an insinuation that you’re not a true woman rooted in Christ unless you stay at home with your children. And that is the issue I’ve tried to counter with my comments.

Madeleine, you’re right. We are ALL (men, women, children) called to serve others. All I’m saying is that women who choose career and family should not be cast off with the disdainful label of “new, modern women” and viewed as non-serving individuals.

Rather, it should be recognized that these women are still serving their families. They’re just doing so in a different way because of a different calling.

Some women will choose to stay at home with their children and use their God-given talents and skills in that capacity (perhaps homeschooling). Other women will use their God-given skills to pursue a career and help provide for their families (perhaps making it possible to afford private school). It’s important that neither view be taken to the extreme, and that Christians respect each other’s decisions to “tend their own garden” in the way that is right for their family. Not everyone has the calling to stay home, and not everyone has the calling for a career. The point is that both are ways to find fulfillment and serve your family–and that both are examples of a true woman.

By the way: That Jesus ate with sinners, prostitutes, that he was opposed to war etc. is not denied by the biblical concept of womanhood. That Jesus paid women much more of his attention than usual in his times does not imply that the here promoted world view is wrong. There are different issues mingled together. I think – and that should lead back to the genuine discussion – that S. Hunt would agree that Jesus appreciated women and that women should be appreciated and treated as thinking individuals. But what is the core of Christianity and therefore the core of Christian womanhood? It is serving. And as mothers and wifes we are to serve our families, and fathers and husbands has to serve theirs families, too. S. Hunt´s book tries to explicate how we can – as women – serve best.

Thank you for your responses. I disagree, but I appreciated the chance to exchange ideas.

It’s wonderful that you have found the sphere where you enjoy the greatest fulfillment; I’m happy to hear it. I simply have found that fulfillment in a different way under a different calling. I was merely trying to establish that neither is the ONLY option.

By making the distinction between the “true woman” and the “new woman,” where the new woman is described as someone who “pursues her own desires, seeks success/position/identity/self-fulfillment” outside the home and the “true woman” is described as someone rooted in Christ, you are essentially saying that women with careers are not rooted in Christ and are not true women.

This is insulting, and in my opinion, worse than hardcore feminists because it limits God’s mighty power. You say in one instance that you don’t claim to know what God calls for every woman, but then make multiple comments about how women should stay home and how they can’t successfully pursue both a career and a family.

I respectfully disagree and know many Christian women (old and young) who do this well. I didn’t mean to imply that those in this blogging network who have chose to stay at home are in a bubble–I know many women do that, too! I just meant that I’ve never encountered a group of women (outside this blogging network) who believe this is the ONLY choice for a woman.

It’s clear that we have many opposing views on this and other topics, but we can agree to disagree. The biggest thing I wanted to establish was that a true woman comes in a variety of packages.

First off, I would like to thank you for your input in the discussion, although it may be better if you were reading the book, and had a clearer idea of what we were discussing. I don’t believe we have said anything thus far saying that pursuing a career is wrong (in fact, this is not addressed in the book at all). I apologize if this thought came across in that light.

Up to this point, we have been discussing how we can live as redeemed women, being examples of Christ to our culture. That is what true womanhood is about, as you read in the quotes above. Wherever God has placed a woman, that is where He would have her shine for His glory.

Biblically, God has called women to be “keepers of the home”, to serve their husbands, and to manage their households well, and love and train her children. Honestly, I don’t see how you can successfully do this while pursuing a career outside the home. (Thanks Marliss for sharing your experiences!) Homemaking is indeed a full time job!

My question would be, what is the motivation? Why are you doing it? To pursue a career because you are afraid your husband will leave you, is to plan for a divorce (why live with that thought?). To pursue a career because you are afraid your husband will die or get sick, is to live in fear. God does not call us to live in a spirit of fear, but to trust Him for his provisions if He called you to endure such a trial.

Something to consider…For women to pursue a career is to take on both of the curses in Genesis, the curse of laboring hard to work the ground (which was given to Adam), and the curse of pain in childbirth (which was given to Eve). This is something Mark Driscoll has said. (By the way, he gives an excellent series on biblical womanhood that I would highly encourage all to listen to! Listen here. Go to Sermons -> Practical Topics -> Women.)

Before having children, I think a woman can be free to pursue a career, helping to support her husband’s income, if she is not neglecting her home and her husband. I am highly supportive of women developing skills that could be used to raise income from the home, but her primary focus should be to serve her husband and raise her children, if and when they join the family. Once children come, this should be her primary focus. These skills can be creatively applied within the home. Is it truly necessary that she pursue a career outside the home and away from her children?

Personally, I have been teaching piano from the home. I have applied this within my home to raise a little extra income to supplement my husband’s. But he is the primary provider for our family, and he thrives to know that he is responsible for taking care of us, that is part of his God given role. This responsibility was not given to me! Adam was to work the ground. I teach because I delight to do so, and it does help a little financially (more to give away to those in need!), but Karis is my focus!…but as more children join our family, I will probably be stopping this, so as to focus on loving my children and nurturing them. This is such a delight!

Once again, the purpose of my blog has been an extension of my personal thoughts and journey as a homemaker. Far be it from be to claim to know what God calls for every woman. I hope I never do any such thing, but I strive to be faithful to pray through and understand the teaching of the Bible and apply it faithfully as God calls to me. My husband delights for me to fulfill my role as a homemaker, taking care of my child, working a little on the side, and this is where I find my greatest fulfillment!

As a career woman, I ached to be home with my children, celebrating moments with them (my oldest took her first steps at the daycare center), being their comfort and security in every situation, and learning to know them as they learned about their world.

As a stay-at-home mother, I suffered sleep deprivation when my children were young and yearned for just one uninterrupted bathroom visit, quiet time, or conversation with my husband. I still wonder if I will ever have a clean, quiet, orderly home for more than a few moments at a time.

I think that in a nutshell, it boils down to what you want: do you want what is good, or do you want what is best? It is good to, as you say, be a force for good both at home and on the job. But it is best to raise your children in the nurture and admonition of the Lord. No one else can do it as well as you because no one else loves your children like you do. And God gave them to you, not to anyone else. He expects you to fulfill your responsibilities in raising them and training them and not pass those responsibilities on to anyone else.

To raise children properly takes a huge time investment. Children really don’t care about quality time. What they want is quantity time, and they don’t understand why you are sacrificing time with them to give them the best opportunities. They don’t care about opportunities, they want you.

And as far as supporting charities or missions work — what better than to go and serve with your children? To show them by your example, working side-by-side wth them, what loving the least of these our brethren is?

Career, faith, and family are not compatible elements in a woman’s life. I have been there. I know. And I know that the anguish of feeling torn by competing priorities is the experience of most career women. That’s why you see news stories about high-powered career women forsaking the corner office to become happy stay-at-home moms. And that’s just the ones who make the news. The percentage of women entering the workforce has slowed in recent years. And if the world “gets it”, shouldn’t we as Christian women be leading this movement? Shouldn’t we be setting the standard?

All women have God-given talents and skills that can be used profitably in the work force. But God designed them to be used in the home and the community. And kudos from the boss and a raise cannot be compared to the acute pleasure and fulfillment of knowing that you have used your talents and abilities to better someone’s life. And that has eternal value. The things of this world are but dung.

And absolutely, men and women are equal before God. He created us that way. But women are privileged to have the high calling of submission to their husbands. Once you understand what it is to be a woman who is truly fulfilling the role that God designed for her, you will understand that what you now think of as the narrow definition of “true woman” that the book and this blog espouse is not narrow at all. It is deep and intense and more satisfying than anything the world or a career or anything done in your own strength can be.

You are wrong when you infer that the women that believe this way are living in a bubble. Many of us, like me, have experienced it all and have chosen the best. I hope you do, too.

I mean no disrespect to Lindsay or anyone else who has commented here; I just feel really strongly that those who believe a woman’s only God-given purpose in life is to be a stay-at-home wife and mother are not only putting God in a tiny box but are also no better than the radical feminists you despise who believe real women only choose career paths.

I have been a Christ follower since I was a child. I was raised in a Christian home, and am now married to a wonderful godly man. Of no less importance, I have also had career aspirations since I was a child, have been blessed by God with a successful career, and plan to continue my career once my husband and I start a family.

I realize to the bloggers in this network, this view seems (to put it mildly) radical. But, I assure you, outside of your bubble, this is typical for many Christians. Believe it or not, career, faith, and family are compatible elements in a woman’s life. And it’s absolutely insulting to say otherwise, or to insinuate that women like me are not “true women” (not to mention “true Christians”) because we work and have a desire (and a calling!) to pursue a career AND a family.

This is not to say that being a stay-at-home wife and mother is wrong. It’s absolutely not. It’s just not the only option.

Do you really claim to know what God calls for every woman? Did anyone stop to consider that a woman with career aspirations is using her God-given talents and skills to help provide monetarily for her family so she and her husband can provide their children the best opportunities they can (not to mention give to charity, support missionaries, etc.)? That she can be a force for good in BOTH her home and at her job? And that by doing so, she’s setting an excellent example for her children?

Sadly, I fear these words will probably fall on deaf ears, because our views on life, faith, womanhood, and much more are so different. But I hope that you’ll consider that a “true woman” comes in more than one type of package. I think Rachel said it best when she noted that Christ viewed men and women equally, and that it is HIS view of “true womanhood” we should be concerned about.